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Some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while other thinkthere are disadvantages to this. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from you v.12

Some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while other thinkthere are disadvantages to this. 12
Obesity among children are increasing in wealthy nations causing serious issues for wealthy countries. In this essay, we will look into the reason for this overweight issue and the impact this will have on the country. There are several causes for obesity among younger generations. Firstly, eating habit is one of the main contributors to this epidemic. Research shows that soda, which is popular among children has very high amount of sugar and fast food such as burger, pizza, fries are high in fat and sodium all this contributes to overweight in people consuming it. For example, most of the restaurants offer free soda as part of the meal, even though the person is not interested they are made available to them. Secondly, lack of physical activities plays a major role in children being obese. The amount of physical activity among children in school and after school is getting reduced. This is due to parents and schools focusing on children’s education than on physical activity and health. Lastly, technology also contributes to this cause. With the introduction of social media, video and mobile games children are addicted and physical and outdoor activities are greatly reduced. This causes several impacts on the country. Health among younger generation deteriorates and results in week workforce for the coming generation. The country could lose the edge it has in the development, business and workforce. Medical cost would increase for the next generation and would result in higher tax and treatment expenses. For instance, obesity would result in other health issues, thereby increasing the medical expenses for the children. Competing in sports, military and space programs demand the participant to be physically healthy and fit. In Conclusion, Since overweight among children affects not only them, but the development of the country. It has to be treated as a disease and should be addressed in a timely manner to stop it from spreading.
Obesity among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are increasing in wealthy nations causing serious issues for wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. In this essay, we will look into the reason for this overweight issue and the impact this will have on the country.

There are several causes for obesity among younger generations.
Firstly
, eating habit is one of the main contributors to this epidemic. Research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that soda, which is popular among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high amount of sugar and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food such as burger, pizza, fries are high in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and sodium all this contributes to overweight in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consuming it.
For example
, most of the restaurants offer free soda as part of the meal,
even though
the person is not interested they
are made
available to them.
Secondly
, lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
plays a major role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
being obese. The amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in school and after school is getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
. This is due to parents and schools focusing on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
education than on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
and health.
Lastly
, technology
also
contributes to this cause. With the introduction of social media, video and mobile games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are addicted
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
and outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
.

This causes several impacts on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Health among younger generation deteriorates and results in week workforce for the coming generation. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
could lose the edge it has in the development, business and workforce. Medical cost would increase for the
next
generation and would result in higher tax and treatment expenses.
For instance
, obesity would result in other health issues, thereby increasing the medical expenses for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Competing in sports, military and space programs demand the participant to be
physically
healthy and fit.

In Conclusion
, Since overweight among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
affects not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. It
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be treated
as a disease and should
be addressed
in a timely manner to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
it from spreading.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while other thinkthere are disadvantages to this. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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