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LEADERS AND DIRECTORS IN ALL ORGANIZATIONS ARE NORMALLY OLDER PEOPLE. SOME PEOPLE THINK YOUNGER LEADER WOULD BE BETTER. AGREE OR DISAGREE v.2

LEADERS AND DIRECTORS IN ALL ORGANIZATIONS ARE NORMALLY OLDER PEOPLE. SOME PEOPLE THINK YOUNGER LEADER WOULD BE BETTER. AGREE OR DISAGREE v. 2
It is often argued that younger leaders would be better while leaders and directors in all organizations are normally older people. I completely disagree with this opinion and think that younger people cannot be leader and succeed as it do older people for two reasons, which the following essay will explore. First and Foremost, I believe that proficiency and knowledge are being gained due to hard and consistent work during years. Consequently I think that young people, instead of becoming leaders at once, must first work on improving their skills and gain experience for becoming qualified specialists, as well as widen their horizons and expand their knowledge. They need a lot of years to work hard to fulfill this purpose. Without these skills and knowledge they cannot succeed as leaders of organizations, inasmuch as due to the lack of experience they can make a lot of frequent mistakes, which in it’s turn can affect adversely on the future of these organizations and bring them to bankruptcy. Anyway, when it comes to older leaders, we should attack an attentions to the fact that in most circumstances they have already gained necessary skills and knowledge in the walks of their lives and they are ready to become successful leaders with making right decisions and running organizations fairly well. Therefore, this is an argument that we cannot put aside in my point of view. Secondly, I think that the current age of the leader has a significant importance for creating equilibrium within company and building balanced relationship with other workers. As a matter of fact, almost all organizations have both young and older employees and I think older workers will not manage to work productively and effective, always having in mind, that it is unfair, while having more skills they are anyhow inferior to a younger leader. This will have an absolutely negative impact on them in my opinion. For example, I have a friend who was a superintendant in a large company when he was 28 years old. He was certain that he would manage to succeed and he was sure he would be able to gain knowledge and skills by years. But he failed as he hadn’t enough experience of running large company in different challenging and hard situations. Moreover, he failed to build good relations with employees. That’s why I thing that young people are not ready to become good leaders of organizations and during their young ages they would rather work as an ordinary employees, gaining skills and knowledge from their older supervisers in order to become future leaders.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that younger
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leaders
would be better while
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leaders
and directors in all
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organizations
are
normally
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older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. I completely disagree with this opinion and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
and succeed as it do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for two reasons, which the following essay will explore.

First
and Foremost, I believe that proficiency and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
are
being gained
due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and consistent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
during years.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Consequently
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
instead
of becoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
at once,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on improving their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and gain experience for becoming qualified specialists,
as well
as widen their horizons and expand their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
. They need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
years to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to fulfill this purpose. Without these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
they cannot succeed as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
, inasmuch as due to the lack of experience they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
frequent mistakes, which in
Did you mean "its" (possessive pronoun) instead of 'it's' (=it is)?
it’s
turn can affect
adversely
on the future of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
and bring them to bankruptcy. Anyway, when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
, we should attack
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "an attention" or simply "attentions"?
an attentions
to the fact that in most circumstances they have already gained necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
in the walks of their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
lives and
they are ready to become successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
with making right decisions and running
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
fairly
well.
Therefore
, this is an argument that we cannot put aside in my point of view.

Secondly
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
age of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
has a significant importance for creating equilibrium within
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
and building balanced relationship with other workers. As a matter of fact, almost all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
have both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
employees and I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
workers will not manage to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
productively
and effective, always having in mind, that it is unfair, while having more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
they are anyhow inferior to a younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leader
. This will have an
absolutely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on them in my opinion.

For example
, I have a friend who was a
Possible spelling mistake found.
superintendant
in a large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
when he was 28 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. He was certain that he would manage to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
succeed and
he was sure he would be able to gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
by years.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
he failed as he hadn’t
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
experience of running large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
challenging and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
situations.
Moreover
, he failed to build
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relations with employees.

That’s why I
Did you mean the verb "think"?
thing
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not ready to become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
organizations
and during their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
ages they would
rather
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as an ordinary
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "employee"?
employees
, gaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
Possible spelling mistake found.
supervisers
in order to become future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leaders
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
53Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay LEADERS AND DIRECTORS IN ALL ORGANIZATIONS ARE NORMALLY OLDER PEOPLE. SOME PEOPLE THINK YOUNGER LEADER WOULD BE BETTER. AGREE OR DISAGREE v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
430 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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