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LEADERS AND DIRECTORS IN ALL ORGANIZATIONS ARE NORMALLY OLDER PEOPLE. SOME PEOPLE THINK YOUNGER LEADER WOULD BE BETTER. AGREE OR DISAGREE v.1

LEADERS AND DIRECTORS IN ALL ORGANIZATIONS ARE NORMALLY OLDER PEOPLE. SOME PEOPLE THINK YOUNGER LEADER WOULD BE BETTER. AGREE OR DISAGREE v. 1
Unfortunately, what is stated above is very accurate nowadays. We care less about what is behind a person’s appearance, including his or her clothes and other marital possessions that show the given person’s status. There are several kinds of status symbols that help us to make quick judgements whether we accept the other person or not. According to my opinion, it is thanks to the fact that we live in a society where you are what you consume. If you can afford fancy clothes and precious cars, you belong to the privileged class and this is the group of citizens where everyone would like to belong to. To tell the truth, it is quite a primitive approach to fellow humans. I grew up in a middle-sized town, where this sort of attitude was neither accepted nor encouraged. That is why when I moved to the capital to start my studies, I was extremely surprised then I first witnessed bullying. The reason for that was the simple fact that one of our classmates wore the same clothes more than two days a week. It made me feel incredibly frustrated, since the boy in question was the most intelligent and generous on the whole faculty. That was the time when I promised myself I won’t act like how my fellow classmates did, even more, I attempted to cheer the insulted person up. I explained him, that people coming from wealthy families are used to paying attention to what catches their eyes first – for instance clothes in this situation. Although we can’t blame them, since that is how they were raised. Despite their behaviour, it shouldn’t have made my classmate less of a great person than he was. The conclusion is that we have to teach our children how to make judgements based on inner values, since they are more important and the society won’t be the proper educator in this case.
Unfortunately, what
is stated
above is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
accurate nowadays. We care less about what is behind a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
appearance, including
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
and other marital possessions that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
status. There are several kinds of status symbols that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
quick judgements whether we accept the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
or not. According to my opinion, it is thanks to the fact that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a society where you are what you consume. If you can afford fancy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
and precious cars, you belong to the privileged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and this is the group of citizens where everyone would like to belong to.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
the truth, it is quite a primitive approach to fellow humans. I grew up in a middle-sized town, where this sort of attitude was neither
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
nor encouraged.
That is
why when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to the capital to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
my studies, I was
extremely
surprised then I
first
witnessed bullying. The reason for that was the simple fact that one of our classmates wore the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
more than two days a week. It made me feel
incredibly
frustrated, since the boy in question was the most intelligent and generous
on the whole
faculty.

That was the time when I promised myself I won’t act like how my
Consider using "classmates".
fellow classmates
did, even more, I attempted to cheer the insulted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
up. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
him, that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
coming from wealthy families are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to paying attention to what catches their eyes
first
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
for instance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
in this situation. Although we can’t blame them, since
that is
how they
were raised
. Despite their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, it shouldn’t have made my classmate less of a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
than he was.

The conclusion is that we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
teach our children how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
judgements based on inner values, since they are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and the society won’t be the proper educator
in this case
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay LEADERS AND DIRECTORS IN ALL ORGANIZATIONS ARE NORMALLY OLDER PEOPLE. SOME PEOPLE THINK YOUNGER LEADER WOULD BE BETTER. AGREE OR DISAGREE v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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