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Some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while others think there are disadvantages to this. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.11

Some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while others think there are disadvantages to this. v. 11
Progression of countries has popularized the concept of the reduced family unit. In my view, this is because of the limited family time and urbanization. This would have negative impacts on society, such as, it would lower the happiness index and in the long run this would adversely effect balanced population growth. Fist of all, the modern world economy demands people put long work hours in order to sustain. As countries progress the demand for competitive people increases, which purse people to tedious work for longer hours. This work-life imbalance has erupted to even mortalities, because of overworking, in developing countries. Therefore, due to this people are more focused towards their professional excellence rather than starting or expanding their family. Another factor of limited family size is because of cramped up space available in major cities. In earlier days, people used to live in spacious homes, but due to urbanization and limited space in cities they are bound to live in small apartment buildings. Consequently, this would gravely affect the communities all around the globe. As people would tend towards living alone, or would have less number of children in comparison to before. It is the natural instinct of human being to reproduce, and if we are to oppose our natural needs, it would lower our emotional attachment to life itself. In recent studies, many scientists researched that in many developed countries the overall happiness index is much lower than those of poor countries, and the main factor behind is that in wealthier countries, people often spend more time in their professions and in pursuit of materialistic accumulation, rather than with their families. In concurrence with that, people are driven towards smaller family size, which eventually affects the population growth of the country. This is why many developed countries were forced to intake educated professionals via their immigration programs from the less developed countries. If they had not opened immigration, they would have faced a large labour shortage. In conclusion, although with advantage of a developed country, came reduced household, which was caused mainly due to disrupted work-home relationship and urban method of living. This could be rectified by addressing the societal issues linked to this.
Progression of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
has popularized the concept of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
unit. In my view, this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
time and urbanization. This would have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on society, such as, it would lower the happiness index and in the long run this would
adversely
Did you mean "affect"?
effect
balanced population growth.

Fist of all, the modern world economy demands
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
put long work hours in order to sustain. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
progress the demand for competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
increases
, which purse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to tedious work for longer hours. This work-life imbalance has erupted to even
Possible spelling mistake found.
mortalities
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of overworking, in developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Therefore
, due to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more focused towards their professional excellence
rather
than starting or expanding their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Another factor of limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
size is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of cramped up space available in major cities. In earlier days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in spacious homes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
due to urbanization and limited space in cities they
are bound
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
apartment buildings.

Consequently
, this would
gravely
affect the communities all around the globe. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would tend towards living alone, or would have less number of children
in comparison
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. It is the natural instinct of human being to reproduce, and if we are to oppose our natural needs, it would lower our emotional attachment to life itself. In recent studies,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
scientists researched that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
the
overall
happiness index is much lower than those of poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, and the main factor behind is that in wealthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
spend more time in their professions and in pursuit of materialistic accumulation,
rather
than with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. In concurrence with that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are driven
towards smaller
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
size, which
eventually
affects the population growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. This is why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
were forced
to intake educated professionals via their immigration programs from the less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. If they had not opened immigration, they would have faced a large
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
shortage.

In conclusion
, although with advantage of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, came
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
household, which
was caused
mainly
due to disrupted work-home relationship and urban method of living. This could
be rectified
by addressing the societal issues linked to this.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Some companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think it is good, while others think there are disadvantages to this. v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
366 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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