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Research center is going to be established in a university. There is an argument whether to establish an agricultural center or a business one. which one do you choose? why? v.2

Research center is going to be established in a university. There is an argument whether to establish an agricultural center or a business one. which one do you choose? why? v. 2
Universities made big contributions to their societies by nurturing variety of students in different field of science. With recent developments in industries universities have felt the necessity for establishment of research facilities for better studying of applied sciences. Agricultural science and business center are two of most wanted research areas which can have great influences in human’s future life quality consequently. I believe that agricultural science centers are the facilities which should be invested first. I have a few reasons to address my choice accordingly. First, as you may know agricultural science and generally growing and cultivating plants are something that had a history as long as human’s life in this planet. People survived in numerous disasters with the help of simple agricultural food cultivation. For example, when cholera spanned throughout the entire Middle East and most of their food sources being deteriorated by that disease, they used their agricultural skills to grow something that was cholera resistant and could provide their eating source eventually. So, business studying is so productive but there must be normally a living area that any business can be initiated there. Another vital factor that makes agricultural researches more important than any other fields of science is environmental protection. Basically, most of the people found this issue just a general debate which is never discussed correctly. However, we should not forget its importance because of negative ideas about it. We have lived in this universe for millions of years and consumed its resources quickly without any hesitation. Now, we face the reality that there may be not enough food and water for our next generation. Even living conditions may not be available for our children in this world. Therefore, paying much more attention to agricultural and environmental researches seems to be more required than any other aspect of science. Also, chief sciences like agricultural sciences are categorized in a class of human skills and knowledge which can create great number of jobs and businesses since it won’t needed much detailed expertise. It can create many occupations for people from low social class who have not had much instructed properly. In this level of population growth it is crucial to focus in the area like agricultural field which can help us with producing more effective jobs. In conclusion, people and specifically researchers must do more research and studying in their areas of science due to its enhancement and human’s need for advanced technologies. But it must be mentioned that before any business creation we would need a healthy planet and a productive land to set up any business in it then.
Universities made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
contributions to their societies by nurturing variety of students in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
. With recent developments in industries universities have felt the necessity for establishment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
facilities for better studying of applied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sciences
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Agricultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
center are two of most wanted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
which can have great influences in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human’s
future life quality
consequently
. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agricultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
centers are the facilities which should
be invested
first
. I have a few reasons to address my choice
accordingly
.

First
, as you may know
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agricultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
and
generally
growing and cultivating plants are something that had a history as long as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human’s
life in this planet.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
survived in numerous disasters with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of simple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agricultural
food cultivation.
For example
, when cholera spanned throughout the entire Middle East and most of their food sources
being deteriorated
by that disease, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agricultural
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to grow something that was cholera resistant and could provide their eating source
eventually
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
studying is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
productive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
normally
a living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
that any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
can
be initiated
there.

Another vital factor that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agricultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
researches
more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than any other fields of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
is environmental protection.
Basically
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
found this issue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a general debate which is never discussed
correctly
.
However
, we should not forget its importance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
about it. We have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in this universe for millions of years and consumed its resources
quickly
without any hesitation.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, we face the reality that there may be not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
food and water for our
next
generation. Even living conditions may not be available for our children in this world.
Therefore
, paying much more attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agricultural
and environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
researches
seems to be more required than any other aspect of science.

Also
, chief
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sciences
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agricultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sciences
are categorized
in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and knowledge which can create great number of jobs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
since it won’t
The verb 'won't' requires base form of this verb: "need"
needed
much detailed expertise. It can create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
occupations for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from low social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
who have not had much instructed
properly
. In this level of population growth it is crucial to
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "focus".
focus in
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agricultural
field which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us with producing more effective jobs.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
specifically
researchers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
do more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
research
and studying in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
due to its enhancement and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human’s
need for advanced technologies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be mentioned
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
creation we would need a healthy planet and a productive land to set up any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
in it then.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
41Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Research center is going to be established in a university. There is an argument whether to establish an agricultural center or a business one. which one do you choose? why? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
435 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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