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Some college students prefer to take courses in a variety of subjects in order to have abroader education. Others prefer to take only central subjects to ensure proper understanding of their specific subjects. v.1

Some college students prefer to take courses in a variety of subjects in order to have abroader education. Others prefer to take only central subjects to ensure proper understanding of their specific subjects. v. 1
Parents, especially mothers leave their job in order to take care of their family. Certain people believe that a monthly pay should be granted by the government. This essay agrees with the aforementioned statement as it will have a positive impact on the family. This essay will first discuss that with this crucial support, women will be able to invest their time fully towards the development and growth of their children, and further, outline that this monthly income will also encourage young mothers to do their family planning Undoubtedly, mothers have a pivotal role to play in the overall development of their offsprings. This is to say, mothers not only ensure proper physical growth of their children but also help in raising informed individuals by inculcating necessary soft skills such as empathy, morals and ethics. To elucidate, a recent study by The Time showed that 80 percent of children who are brought up by their mothers have inculcated good manners and behaviour. Women in the modern world are more focused towards their career, for this reason they either avoid to have children or plan to get pregnant is mid 30s. As a result, there will be a shortage of young and active workforce to fill future job vacancies in large organisations, which will eventually hamper the overall economic development of the country. Thus, if the monthly remuneration will be provided by the government, young women will be encouraged have kids at their earlier age, who will later become future successful leaders. To exemplify, a recent study by The New York Times showed that more than 60 percent of women reported that with the financial support from the government they planned to have children in their mid 20s. To conclude, mothers are primarily responsible for taking care of their family, therefor should not get employed. As an alternate, the government should provide them with a monthly income so that mothers cane devote all their to their children and moreover it will also motivate females to have kids at their young age.
Parents,
especially
mothers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their job in order to take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monthly
pay should
be granted
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with the aforementioned statement as it will have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. This essay will
first
discuss that with this crucial support, women will be able to invest their time
fully
towards the development and growth of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, and
further
, outline that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monthly
income will
also
encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
mothers to do their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
planning


Undoubtedly
, mothers have a pivotal role to play in the
overall
development of their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
. This is to say, mothers not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
ensure proper physical growth of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in raising informed individuals by inculcating necessary soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as empathy, morals and ethics. To elucidate, a recent study by The Time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that 80 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
are brought
up by their mothers have inculcated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
manners and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.

Women in the modern world are more focused towards their career,
for this reason
they either
The verb 'avoid' is used with the gerund form: "avoid having".
avoid to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
or plan to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
pregnant is mid 30s.
As a result
, there will be a shortage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
and active workforce to fill future job vacancies in large
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
, which will
eventually
hamper the
overall
economic development of the country.
Thus
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monthly
remuneration will
be provided
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
women will
be encouraged
have kids at their earlier age, who will later become future successful leaders. To exemplify, a recent study by The New York Times
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that more than 60 percent of women reported that with the financial support from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
they planned to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in their mid 20s.

To conclude
, mothers are
primarily
responsible for taking care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, therefor should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
employed. As an alternate, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should provide them with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
monthly
income
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that mothers cane devote all their to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
moreover
it will
also
motivate females to have kids at their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
age.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some college students prefer to take courses in a variety of subjects in order to have abroader education. Others prefer to take only central subjects to ensure proper understanding of their specific subjects. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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