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one of your friends has decided to study more courses in order to graduate one year earlier. do you support or oppose this decision? v.1

one of your friends has decided to study more courses in order to graduate one year earlier. do you support or oppose this decision? v. 1
In today’s world, life has changed significantly. As the highly competitive job market, many people have to cope with this problem and force them to work longer time or do most stressful tasks in order to survive in their position. Some people assert that this issue has become the serious topic in the modern world, thus causes and some solutions to tackle this issue will be discussed carefully. To begin with, as the over exploration of human population these days, many people find it is very difficult to compete with other job seekers or to maintain their job positions. Many younger graduates have increased dramatically these days, but unfortunately the employment rate is still almost the same as the last ten years. As a result, if workers need to keep their positions, they need to work very hard and upgrade their knowledge and skills to be more professional, otherwise they will be fired or would be forced to quit. Moreover, the technology is another cause of being stressed and working overtime. This is because, having the technological devices, it means that people can work remotely and have to hold their work responsibilities all the time. Even though people leave from their office, they still have to answer phones or emails without any excuse. Therefore, the unlimited internet connection in the modern world keeps our lives busy and does not let people escape from work. In addition, as many technological systems and devices have been introduced to a workplace, it also causes people to become more stressed and worry about how to apply these programs especially in old-fashioned people. Consequently, employees have to take intensive course and adjust themselves to be more updated. However, there are some measures to tackle this situation. Firstly, companies should provide staff training courses for employees. Instructing workers about some useful strategies for their work and educating them about how to manage work effectively will definitely help workers to be more productive in their performances and also save their time. Lastly, offering stress management sessions also helps all staffs to learn how to take a balance between their work and life. In conclusion, the reasons for this phenomenon contribute to the intensive job market and technological effects. However, with good classes from organizations such as stressed management classes and staff training classes, it could alleviate the problem of stressful jobs, eventually.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world, life has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
significantly
. As the
highly
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
cope with this problem and force them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
longer time or do most stressful tasks in order to survive in their position.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
assert that this issue has become the serious topic in the modern world,
thus
causes and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions to tackle this issue will
be discussed
carefully
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, as the over exploration of human population these days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to compete with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
seekers or to maintain their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
positions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
younger graduates have increased
dramatically
these days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
unfortunately the employment rate is
still
almost the same as the last ten years.
As a result
, if workers need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their positions, they need to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and upgrade their knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to be more professional,
otherwise
they will
be fired
or would
be forced
to quit.

Moreover
, the technology is another cause of being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
and working overtime. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, having the technological devices, it means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
remotely
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
hold their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
responsibilities all the time.
Even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
from their office, they
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
answer phones or emails without any excuse.
Therefore
, the unlimited internet connection in the modern world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
busy and does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
escape from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
In addition
, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
technological systems and devices have
been introduced
to a workplace, it
also
causes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to become more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
and worry about how to apply these programs
especially
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
-fashioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Consequently
, employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take intensive course and adjust themselves to be more updated.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures to tackle this situation.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should provide staff training courses for employees. Instructing workers about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
useful strategies for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and educating them about how to manage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
effectively
will definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
workers to be more productive in their performances and
also
save their time.
Lastly
, offering
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
management sessions
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
all staffs to learn how to take a balance between their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and life.

In conclusion
, the reasons for this phenomenon contribute to the intensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market and technological effects.
However
, with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
classes from organizations such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
management classes and staff training classes, it could alleviate the problem of stressful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
,
eventually
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay one of your friends has decided to study more courses in order to graduate one year earlier. do you support or oppose this decision? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
395 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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