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Some children nowadays take sports seriously while others play sports in their free time. Is this a positive or negative development? Give your own opinion and examples. v.1

Some children nowadays take sports seriously while others play sports in their free time. Is this a positive or negative development? Give your own opinion and examples. v. 1
Nowadays there are many people interested in visiting undeveloped places. For example, the Sahara desert or the Antarctic. However, there are advantages and challenges for tourists who intend to travel to these places. In the following paragraphs, we will discuss this issue in depth. First of all, the main disadvantage for travelling in such countries is that the places may not have sufficient medical resources. Take my friend, Tina, for example. She visited one of the most dangerous desert in Africa last year, and at the end of the journey she got hurt seriously from a car accident. Moreover, she couldn't see a proper doctor even she had found a hospital nearby. From this example, it demonstrates that lacking medical supplies may become the risks of experiencing such tours in rural places. Despite of disadvantages for travelling in such environment, tourists still can benefit from these trips. For instance, my cousin Frank, who planned a tour to visit several countries in South-Eat Asia right after he graduated from the university. After his journey he found out how lucky he is that he has so many resources in Taiwan. Hence, he has decided to dedicate himself for a none profit organization. Consequently, it can be said that the experience made him understand we have the abilities to help others and we need to cherish whatever we have now. To conclude, even though there are risks of travelling to these undiscovered spots. From my point of view I concur to such claims that tourists can benefit from the experiences as long as we have well prepared and considered about all the situations before departure.
Nowadays there are
many
people
interested in visiting undeveloped places.
For example
, the Sahara desert or the Antarctic.
However
, there are advantages and challenges for tourists who intend to travel to these places. In the following paragraphs, we will discuss this issue in depth.

First of all
, the main disadvantage for travelling in such countries is that the places may not have sufficient medical resources. Take my friend, Tina,
for example
. She visited one of the most
dangerous
desert
in Africa last year, and at the
end
of the journey she
got
hurt
seriously
from a car accident.
Moreover
, she couldn't
see
a proper doctor even she had found a hospital nearby. From this example, it demonstrates that lacking medical supplies may become the
risks
of experiencing such tours in rural places.

Despite of
disadvantages for travelling in such environment, tourists
still
can benefit from these trips.
For instance
, my cousin Frank, who planned a tour to visit several countries in South-Eat Asia right after he graduated from the university. After his journey he found out how lucky he is that he has
so
many
resources in Taiwan.
Hence
, he has decided to dedicate himself for a none profit organization.
Consequently
, it can
be said
that the experience made him understand we have the abilities to
help
others and
we need to cherish whatever we have
now
.

To conclude
,
even though
there are
risks
of travelling to these undiscovered spots. From my point of view I concur to such claims that tourists can benefit from the experiences as long as we have
well prepared
and
considered about all
the situations
before
departure.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some children nowadays take sports seriously while others play sports in their free time. Is this a positive or negative development? Give your own opinion and examples. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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