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The chart below describes results of a public opinion poll, where people were asked to name the most important place smoking should be banned from. v.1

The chart below describes results of a public opinion poll, where people were asked to name the most important place smoking should be banned from. v. 1
The right punishment for offenders responsible for murdering another human has been a topic of debate. It is often argued that life imprisonment is a better way of punishing murderers, to prevent society from being guilty of killing someone by giving capital punishment as the reward. Giving the death penalty to murderers is believed to be the best form of punishment by some people. This is because it serves as a way of deterring prospective criminals from killing. They argue that capital punishment is good enough to instill fear in people, and as a result prevents murder and every other type of crime altogether. Taking Germany as an example, the rate of murder cases declined after an act in their law stated that killing will be rewarded with a death sentence. However, I am of the notion that life in prison has a more positive effect on the state of a country. Life imprisonment offers fugitives a chance to ponder on their wrongdoings. They are given an opportunity to amend their ways, which in turn can influence the younger generations to always do the right thing and teach them life lessons such as the consequences of wrong acts. For instance, the states in the USA who changed their criminal laws from capital punishment to life imprisonment in the year 1980 experienced a 20% fall in the rate of murder cases the following year. Furthermore, vacation and basic skills, if taught to persons in prison, would benefit society and improve the economy of the nation at large. In conclusion, although rewarding murderers with a penalty of death seems deserving of the crime, life imprisonment is a decent way of punishing these offenders, thereby allowing them to change for the better and mastering new abilities that would be useful for them in the future and at the same time affect the community positively. I totally agree with the above-stated view.
The right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
for offenders responsible for murdering another human has been a topic of debate. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
imprisonment
is a better way of punishing murderers, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
society from being guilty of killing someone by giving capital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
as the reward.

Giving the death penalty to murderers
is believed
to be the best form of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it serves as a way of deterring prospective criminals from killing. They argue that capital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to instill fear in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, and
as a result
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
murder and every other type of crime altogether. Taking Germany as an example, the rate of murder cases declined after an act in their law stated that killing will
be rewarded
with a death sentence.

However
, I am of the notion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in prison has a more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on the state of a country.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
imprisonment
offers fugitives a chance to ponder on their wrongdoings. They are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
an opportunity to amend their ways, which in turn can influence the younger generations to always do the right thing and teach them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
lessons such as the consequences of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
acts.
For instance
, the states in the USA who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
their criminal laws from capital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
imprisonment
in the year 1980 experienced a 20% fall in the rate of murder cases the following year.
Furthermore
, vacation and basic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, if taught to persons in prison, would benefit society and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the economy of the nation at large.

In conclusion
, although rewarding murderers with a penalty of death seems deserving of the crime,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
imprisonment
is a decent way of punishing these offenders, thereby allowing them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
for the better and mastering new abilities that would be useful for them in the future and at the same time affect the community
positively
. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the above-stated view.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The chart below describes results of a public opinion poll, where people were asked to name the most important place smoking should be banned from. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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