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Some children nowadays take sports seriously while others play sports in their free time. Is this a positive or negative development? Give your own opinion and examples. v.2

Some children nowadays take sports seriously while others play sports in their free time. Is this a positive or negative development? Give your own opinion and examples. v. 2
Sports is an activity in which most children participate these days. While some like to pursue it as a major interest others play sports just as a hobby. In my opinion, playing sports seriously is a positive development, because sports not only teaches children discipline but also to focus on achieving their goals irrespective of their failures or shortcomings. It is well known that children who participate in sports activities from early age tend to be more disciplined and organised. It is instilled in them to be on time and to be well trained beforehand. These qualities are not only crucial in sports but are also important life skills. For instance, my cousin who is an accomplished tennis player is well appreciated by his family and colleagues for being punctual and well organised. This shows the positive influence sports can have on a person. Also, sports helps in maintaining fitness in youngsters. Instead of spending free time on TV or internet, sports is definitely a healthier alternative. In addition to this, many universities offer scholarships to youngsters who are talented in sports which in turn is beneficial for their career. Moreover, young people playing sports are trained to conquer their target/goal. They are better equipped to overcome failures as compared to their counter parts due to this quality. The " never say die" attitude helps them flourish even in their future lives. An example of this can be seen in many sports persons who, despite their failures in the field of sports, are successful businessmen. This proves that sports is of prime importance for the developing a strong and independent character. In conclusion, I strongly feel that children should pursue sports not only in their leisure time but seriously so that it helps them grow into successful individuals. Schools and universities should provide facilities for these children to encourage them in taking part in sports.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sports
is an activity in which most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
participate these days. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
like to pursue it as a major interest others play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as a hobby. In my opinion, playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
seriously
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
teaches
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
discipline
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to focus on achieving their goals irrespective of their failures or shortcomings.

It is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
known that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities from early age tend to be more disciplined and
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
. It
is instilled
in them to be on time and to be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well trained
beforehand. These qualities are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
crucial in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For instance
, my cousin
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is an accomplished tennis player is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
appreciated by his family and colleagues for being punctual and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well organised
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can have on a person.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in maintaining fitness in youngsters.
Instead
of spending free time on TV or internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is definitely a healthier alternative.
In addition
to this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
universities offer scholarships to youngsters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are talented
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
which in turn is beneficial for their career.

Moreover
, young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are trained
to conquer their target/goal. They are better equipped to overcome failures as compared to their
This word is normally spelled as one.
counter parts
due to this quality. The
Possible spelling mistake found.
&quot
; never say
Possible spelling mistake found.
die&quot
; attitude
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them flourish even in their future
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. An example of this can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
persons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
, despite their failures in the field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, are successful businessmen. This proves that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is of prime importance for the developing a strong and independent character.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should pursue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in their leisure time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
seriously
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them grow into successful individuals. Schools and universities should provide facilities for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to encourage them in taking part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some children nowadays take sports seriously while others play sports in their free time. Is this a positive or negative development? Give your own opinion and examples. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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