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Some people believe that children should do organised activities in their free time while others believe that children should be free to do what they want to do in their free time. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to s v.1

Some people believe that children should do organised activities in their free time while others believe that children should be free to do what they want to do in their free time. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to s v. 1
Leisure time is one of the most significant part to every children in order to get rid of additional load of study. Few person says that youngsters must choose some well planned activities. In other hand, other folks strongly believe that kids should get chance to do as per their choice during free time. This essay will discuss few positive reasons of choosing organised activity as well as creative actions along with some examples to support my opinion. In my belief, both of the viewpoints are valuable for students. Let’s talk about two key points of choosing organised activity. Firstly, with structures game, kids will able to enrich their knowledge while playing. For example, sometimes children love to play with world map to locate several cities, states or continents during their free time. Secondly, playing quiz with any topic can be considered as another great option to gain extra information. For instance, during any holiday, we often play quiz with siblings or cousin. However, in short, both of these games are well-organized as well as an amazing source to improve yourself. After a huge study time, who doesn’t want to opt for painting or playing? After coming back from school, kids love to choose various way to find their own refreshment. Nevertheless, these activities are also include physical fitness or inner talents. In conclusion, additional time can be spent in different ways. It can involve physical activity or any mind game or any creative work. Both are valuable in their own way. We should support both ideas.
Leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is one of the most significant
Please check whether a plural form of 'part' should be used.
part
to every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "child"?
children
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of additional load of study. Few person says that youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
choose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
well planned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. In other hand, other folks
strongly
believe that kids should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
chance to do as per their choice during free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. This essay will discuss few
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
reasons of choosing
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
as well
as creative actions along with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
examples to support my opinion.

In my belief, both of the viewpoints are valuable for students.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
’s talk about two key points of choosing
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
.
Firstly
, with structures game, kids will able to enrich their knowledge while playing.
For example
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to play with world map to locate several cities, states or continents during their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Secondly
, playing quiz with any topic can
be considered
as another great option to gain extra information.
For instance
, during any holiday, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
play quiz with siblings or cousin.
However
, in short, both of these games are well-organized
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
an amazing source to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
yourself.

After a huge study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, who doesn’t want to opt for painting or playing? After coming back from school, kids
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to choose various way to find their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
refreshment.
Nevertheless
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are
also
Consider using a past participle here: "included".
include
physical fitness or inner talents.

In conclusion
, additional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
can
be spent
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways. It can involve physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
or any mind game or any creative work. Both are valuable in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
way. We should support both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that children should do organised activities in their free time while others believe that children should be free to do what they want to do in their free time. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Use specific reasons and examples to s v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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