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do you agree or disagree? people should take a secure job with low income instead of having high paid job with low security. v.125

people should take a secure job with low income instead of having high paid job with low security. v. 125
The question is whether a person should take a secure job with low income or vice versa. Since the occupations affect human' s life from several dimensions; hence, everyone with regard to the condition of his private life and abilities can make a logical decision about the selection of job. In a controversial debate, some believed that a high paid job helps them to save much money for their future even if that job is not certain; however, others claimed the secure low paid jobs provide a great number of merits. Personally, I am unanimous with the latter group. The following paragraphs will vastly elucidate my vantage point through three noticeable reasons: To begin with, it goes without saying that nowadays world is wrestling with economic crisis. Human beings work for a long time to pay their rents, university' s tuitions, bills and the cost of meal and transportation and list goes on. Unfortunately, in such a frustrating circumstance, people at least should attempt to maintain their spirit high. With having a secure task although low-paid, the senses such as stress or anxiety will not overcome human' s life. Meanwhile, eliminating extra and unnecessary costs and having an adequate management will assist the young to compensate their low income. The second reason for my argument lies the fact that in a comparison with the past, the number of graduations have increased in recent years; therefore, a tremendous surge of youths are looking for the occupations. One should notice that finding a secure work is very formidable. Since often the high paid-jobs are not usually permanently, so a person may earn much money in a short time but at the end, he will join to unemployed people. Needless to say that rate of depression or suicide thoughts will increase because of unemployment situation. Moreover, I tend to empower my reasons with following discussion. As I mentioned above, having a secure job can provide peaceful beds among workers. If employees are not really satisfied with their income, simply they can find other part-time jobs inside their main job. This will also cause workers broaden scope of their experiences in a wide range of fields. To sum up, this conclusion could be drawn that accepting a secure job - even though its income is very low - will lead people to pay the costs of their life on time without any worry toward future.
The question is whether a person should take a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
low
income or vice versa. Since the occupations affect
Possible spelling mistake found.
human&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
from several dimensions;
hence
, everyone with regard to the condition of his private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and abilities can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a logical decision about the selection of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. In a controversial debate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believed that a high paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to save much money for their future even if that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is not certain;
however
, others claimed the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
low
paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
provide a great number of merits.
Personally
, I am unanimous with the latter group. The following paragraphs will
vastly
elucidate my vantage point through three noticeable reasons:

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it goes without saying that nowadays world is wrestling with economic crisis. Human beings work for a long time to pay their rents,
Possible spelling mistake found.
university&
#039; s
Possible spelling mistake found.
tuitions
, bills and the cost of meal and transportation and list goes on. Unfortunately, in such a frustrating circumstance,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
at least should attempt to maintain their spirit high. With having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secure
task although low-paid, the senses such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
or anxiety will not overcome
Possible spelling mistake found.
human&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Meanwhile, eliminating extra and unnecessary costs and having an adequate management will assist the young to compensate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
low
income.

The second reason for my argument lies the fact that in a comparison with the past, the number of graduations have increased in recent years;
therefore
, a tremendous surge of youths
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "is"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'are' is not always incorrect.)
are
looking for the occupations. One should notice that finding a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secure
work is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
formidable. Since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
the high paid-jobs are not
usually
permanently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
a person may earn much money in a short time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, he will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
to unemployed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Needless to say that rate of depression or suicide thoughts will increase
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of unemployment situation.

Moreover
, I tend to empower my reasons with following discussion. As I mentioned above, having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
can provide peaceful beds among workers. If employees are not
really
satisfied with their income,
simply
they can find other part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
inside their main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. This will
also
cause workers broaden scope of their experiences in a wide range of fields.

To sum up, this conclusion could
be drawn
that accepting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
even though
its income is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
low
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
will lead
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to pay the costs of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
on time without any worry toward future.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay people should take a secure job with low income instead of having high paid job with low security. v. 125

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
401 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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