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Some colleges encourage students to create businesses while they are still in school Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages v.2

Some colleges encourage students to create businesses while they are still in school Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages v. 2
It is believed that starting a business while in colleges will create some drawbacks for studies while there is a persuasive argument that this trend has contributed many benefits for students. Getting a job as an undergraduate brings about some negative effects. First of all, the most obvious shortage is that this action can lead to financial risks. It is believed that this type of action requires a huge amount of money at the beginning. These people are likely to have little real-life experience in marketing. Therefore, if everything fails the expectations, they will suffer from extreme hardship. Another unpleasant thing to mention is stress and tiredness. Not only are students required to finish all their assignments but they also need to ensure everything at work is under control. As doing business and learning simultaneously, they are forced to try harder; therefore, happiness is replaced with tension. Nevertheless, this work can provide worthy benefits. Firstly, it is evident that it offers a beneficial opportunity to participate in such a whole different activity. Thus, students find it is fascinating to discover more knowledge apart from the common curriculum. Additionally, more appropriate strategies for their later lives are given. To exemplify, one is capable of finding his strengths and weakness because he has more time to undergo practical lessons in life. Secondly, people are provided with a chance to practice and boost up essential soft skills. For example, as dealing with customers, freshmen can learn how to use problem-solving skills properly. In conclusion, it is undeniable that the disadvantages of working while in colleges certainly outweigh its benefits.
It
is believed
that starting a business while in colleges will create
some
drawbacks for studies while there is a persuasive argument that this trend has contributed
many
benefits for students.

Getting a job as an undergraduate brings about
some
negative
effects.
First of all
, the most obvious shortage is that this action can lead to financial
risks
. It
is believed
that this type of action requires a huge amount of money at the beginning. These
people
are likely to have
little
real-life experience in marketing.
Therefore
, if everything fails the expectations, they will suffer from extreme hardship. Another unpleasant thing to mention is
stress
and tiredness. Not
only
are students required to finish all their assignments
but
they
also
need to ensure everything at work is under control. As doing business and learning
simultaneously
, they
are forced
to try harder;
therefore
, happiness
is replaced
with tension.

Nevertheless
, this work can provide worthy benefits.
Firstly
, it is evident that it offers a beneficial opportunity to participate in such a whole
different
activity.
Thus
, students find it is fascinating to discover more knowledge apart from the common curriculum.
Additionally
, more appropriate strategies for their later
lives
are
given
. To exemplify, one is capable of finding his strengths and weakness
because
he has more time to undergo practical lessons in life.
Secondly
,
people
are provided
with a chance to practice and boost up essential soft
skills
.
For example
, as dealing with customers, freshmen can learn how to
use
problem-solving
skills
properly
.

In conclusion
, it is undeniable that the disadvantages of working while in colleges
certainly
outweigh its benefits.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
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Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Some colleges encourage students to create businesses while they are still in school Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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