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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement All jobs should provide some opportunity for physical exercise Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v.2

All jobs should provide some opportunity for physical exercise Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 2
Physical exercise is more important nowadays than it was in the past, especially with most of jobs done by humans today are sedentary office work. In my opinion, I believe that each company should provide opportunity for physical exercise for its employees. I feel this way for many reasons which I will explore in the following essay. To begin with, exercise is very beneficial for the human body. Working out will help workers to be more productive. Most employees today consume energy beverages either to keep up with the workload or to even be more efficient and competitive than their colleagues. Unfortunately, some kinds of those drinks are extremely harmful to many organs such as the liver. Plus, they contain a huge amount of sugar which is not healthy. Therefore, companies are required to encourage their team members to avoid this detrimental habit. One solution to this contemporary hazard is to have a gym on-site. Exercising and stretching almost have the same motivational effect as energy drinks, but exercise, on the other hand, does not cause tremendous damage to body organs like stimulant beverages. employees who work out will have adequate blood supply to the brain, which will allow them to focus on the tasks assigned to them and to be more energetic. Thus, a treadmill or other office workout equipment will benefit the employee, the company and will ensure a positive work environment. Secondly, a sedentary lifestyle will be highly deleterious to the business and to the staff. Desk-bound people badly need to stretch or exercise at least on their breaks. Otherwise, they could suffer negative consequences on their health and career. they will be more prone to stress, depression and other mental illnesses, in addition to physical cost. Hence, a stress ball or a stretching equipment on-site will definitely help those individuals. The employer is no exception from this fallout. An office work environment without a spot to have some relief from work pressure could pose a serious issue. employees will be mostly overwhelmed and as a result, they will be less productive and will not give their best to what they are doing. However, a simple accommodation to let people exercise will cure this problem. In conclusion, people who have a chance to work out during business hours will be happier and will contribute more to the success of their enterprise. Nonetheless, a company that do not bother to make a comfortable atmosphere for its labor will be hit by unwanted outcomes.
Physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
nowadays than it was in the past,
especially
with
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the jobs") or simply say "most jobs".
most of jobs
done by humans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are sedentary office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. In my opinion, I believe that each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
should provide opportunity for physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
for its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
. I feel this way for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons which I will explore in the following essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial for the human body. Working out will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
workers to be more productive. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
consume energy beverages either to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up with the workload or to even be more efficient and competitive than their colleagues. Unfortunately,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kinds of those drinks are
extremely
harmful to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
organs such as the liver. Plus, they contain a huge amount of sugar which is not healthy.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are required
to encourage their team members to avoid this detrimental habit. One solution to this contemporary hazard is to have a gym on-site. Exercising and stretching almost have the same motivational effect as energy drinks,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
,
on the other hand
, does not cause tremendous damage to body organs like stimulant beverages.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
employees
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
out will have adequate blood supply to the brain, which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to focus on the tasks assigned to them and to be more energetic.
Thus
, a treadmill or other office workout equipment will benefit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
and will ensure a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environment.

Secondly
, a sedentary lifestyle will be
highly
deleterious to the business and to the staff. Desk-bound
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
badly
need to stretch or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
at least on their breaks.
Otherwise
, they could suffer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences on their health and career.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
will be more prone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, depression and other mental illnesses,
in addition
to physical cost.
Hence
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
ball or a stretching equipment on-site will definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
those individuals. The employer is no exception from this fallout. An office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environment without a spot to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
relief from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
pressure could pose a serious issue.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
employees
will be
mostly
overwhelmed and
as a result
, they will be less productive and will not give their best to what they are doing.
However
,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "simple accommodation".
a simple accommodation
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
will cure this problem.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who have a chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
out during business hours will be happier and will contribute more to the success of their enterprise. Nonetheless, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
that do not bother to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a comfortable atmosphere for its labor will
be hit
by unwanted outcomes.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay All jobs should provide some opportunity for physical exercise Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
415 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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