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Some businesses now say that no-one can smoke cigarettes in any of their offices. Some governments have banned smoking in all public places. Do you agree or disagree with this? v.2

Some businesses now say that no-one can smoke cigarettes in any of their offices. Some governments have banned smoking in all public places. with this? v. 2
In this day and age, smoking has been widely prohibited in a number of firms, organizations, and public amenities. It is controversial whether this policy should be generalized and become legally effective. Although smoking is dangerous to our health, I believe that it should be allowed in certain areas. This essay below will tackle the premise above and prove my point. Smoking is undeniably detrimental to our body and well-being. First of all, it has been proven that regular smoker will suffer from a host of diseases, namely asthma, pneumonia, lung cancer, etc. Therefore, the death toll registered by smoking individuals every year is considerably larger than the number of people who has died in car accidents. Moreover, tobacco smoke not only has an adverse effect on active smokers but also the passive ones. The latter is believed to be as susceptible to aforementioned illnesses as the former and sometimes more severely. Furthermore, the government spends a fortune every year on cigarette taxes and these numbers are approximately equivalent to the budget spending on health care for ill smokers. This certainly indicates that if there were to have fewer smoking individuals, there would be more fund to support other ill patients. Despite all the health risk it may cause, I am opposed to the idea that smoking should be prohibited in outdoor places. To begin with, smoking is a right, not a crime. People need to understand that cigarette consumption is legal and only due to certain organizational policies that it is restricted. Therefore, if smokers were to respect non-smokers by stubbing out their cigarette, then it is reasonable for people to smoke wherever permitted. In addition, smoking has been an effective stress reliever for many people, especially who are snowed under a large amount of workload. It is reported that smoking a cigarette could help you unwind mentally and alleviate any lingering negative feelings. To summarize, although smoking can possibly have fatal effects on our body, I think it should be deemed as a personal right and permanent inhibition in public areas is unnecessary.
In this day and age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
has been
widely
prohibited in a number of firms, organizations, and public amenities. It is controversial whether this policy should
be generalized
and become
legally
effective. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
to our health, I believe that it should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
in certain areas. This essay below will tackle the premise above and prove my point.

Smoking is
undeniably
detrimental to our body and well-being.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it has
been proven
that regular smoker will suffer from a host of diseases,
namely
asthma, pneumonia, lung cancer, etc.
Therefore
, the death toll registered by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
individuals every year is
considerably
larger than the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
in car accidents.
Moreover
, tobacco smoke not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
has an adverse effect on active smokers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the passive ones. The latter
is believed
to be as susceptible to aforementioned illnesses as the former and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
more
severely
.
Furthermore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
spends a fortune every year on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarette
taxes and these numbers are approximately equivalent to the budget spending on health care for ill smokers. This
certainly
indicates that if there were to have fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
individuals, there would be more fund to support other ill patients.

Despite all the health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
it may cause, I
am opposed
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
should
be prohibited
in outdoor places. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
is a right, not a crime.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
need to understand that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarette
consumption is legal and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
due to certain organizational policies that it
is restricted
.
Therefore
, if smokers were to respect non-smokers by stubbing out their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarette
, then it is reasonable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to smoke wherever permitted.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
has been an effective
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
reliever for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
who
are snowed
under a large amount of workload. It
is reported
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarette
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you unwind mentally and alleviate any lingering
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
feelings.

To summarize
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
can
possibly
have fatal effects on our body, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it should
be deemed
as a personal right and permanent inhibition in public areas is unnecessary.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some businesses now say that no-one can smoke cigarettes in any of their offices. Some governments have banned smoking in all public places. with this? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
345 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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