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An increasing number of people eat fast food regularly, it causes a lot of health issues. Some people think the only solution is to ban it completely. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

An increasing number of people eat fast food regularly, it causes a lot of health issues. Some people think the only solution is to ban it completely. v. 1
Healthy food healthy life is the constitutional element. Because there is nothing more than a fitness. Frequent intake of junk food origin’s health problem. Some people believe that the ban is the only solution. In my opinion, it is not the way to secure the human lives. The Food authority must play a vital role in terms of license and registration. Moreover, it is also an individual accountability to avoid preserved food. To begin with, eating cuisine meal on a regular basis cause severe health issue. Because so many of the ingredients used are not good for health. For instance, in Pakistan 70% of local restaurants used corn oil. It is very dangerous and instigated Heart attack. Moreover, the same oil is recycled up to 3 days and people are unaware of these drastic mixtures. They enjoy the foodstuff which serves them. On the other hand, some people conclude that the ban is the only solution. The only way is the Food expert must impose some strict rules and regulation. Every local restaurant must be closed because they are the main source of generating diseases. Furthermore, who wishing to open the restaurant must get a license from the Food jurisdiction and do follow the rules and regulation. In addition to this, penalty is also intended. Besides, this all the ingredients used should be tested and verified. By doing so, peoples' health is protected and they enjoy the ready-made meal. To sum up, Public does not know what restaurants are serving them. They are truly playing with their health. This is the responsibility of the Government to secure the Public well-being. License is the best way to overcome the problems.
Healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
healthy life is the constitutional element.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
there is nothing more than a fitness. Frequent intake of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
origin’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problem.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the ban is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
solution. In my opinion, it is not the way to secure the human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Food
authority
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
play a vital role in terms of license and registration.
Moreover
, it is
also
an individual accountability to avoid preserved food.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, eating cuisine meal on a regular basis cause severe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issue.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the ingredients
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
For instance
, in Pakistan 70% of local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurants
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
corn oil. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
and instigated Heart attack.
Moreover
, the same oil
is recycled
up to 3 days and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are unaware of these drastic mixtures. They enjoy the foodstuff which serves them.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
conclude that the ban is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
solution. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Food
expert
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
impose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulation. Every local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be closed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are the main source of generating diseases.
Furthermore
, who wishing to open the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a license from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Food
jurisdiction and do follow the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulation.
In addition
to this, penalty is
also
intended.
Besides
, this all the ingredients
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tested
and verified. By doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, peoples'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
protected and
they enjoy the ready-made meal.

To sum up, Public does not know what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
restaurants
are serving them. They are
truly
playing with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. This is the responsibility of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
to secure the Public well-being. License is the best way to overcome the problems.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay An increasing number of people eat fast food regularly, it causes a lot of health issues. Some people think the only solution is to ban it completely. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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