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it is a common aspiration among many young people to run their own business, rather than work for an employer. Do you think the advantages of working for yourself outweigh the drawbacks v.1

it is a common aspiration among many young people to run their own business, rather than work for an employer. Do you think the advantages of working for yourself outweigh the drawbacks v. 1
Earlier people used to prefer to work for an organization throughout their lives and retired from there after a lifetime service. However, these days, many young teenagers aim is to leave the university and set up their own business. I completely agree with this point of view, but it is important to bear in mind that running a business does not suit everybody. Let us start with the reasons why young adults prefer to set up their businesses. First of all, they can gain more precious skills that can never be provided if they work as an employee. For instance, the entrepreneur can not only enhance their business-related skills as well as they broaden their horizons if they communicate with successful people. As a result, they can use the advice which is heard from celebrities. Not only that, you can also keep the profits if the company is successful. If all your decisions are right, you will earn far more than working for someone else. As a bright example, if you set up your own company, and you build a good reputation, you will be able to make substantial profits. Therefore, you will work hard, in order to make a success of your company. Although, the other side of the coin voices its strong opposition, saying that running a business is risky. When opening a business, people might face many obstacles such as raise outside capital and manage incomes as well as outcomes. In addition, if you make mistakes in your business decisions, your company faces many serious consequences including debts and can go bust. What I mean by this is that you lose everything and you have to lay off your staff. To sum up, although there are both advantages and disadvantages of running a business. I believe the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. However, I have to admit that not everyone is a risk-taker, and some prefer to work for someone else.
Earlier
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for an organization throughout their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and retired from there after a lifetime service.
However
, these days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
aim is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the university and set up their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point of view,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to bear in mind that running a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
does not suit everybody.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with the reasons why young adults prefer to set up their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, they can gain more precious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that can never
be provided
if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as an employee.
For instance
, the entrepreneur can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
enhance their business-related
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
as well
as they broaden their horizons if they communicate with successful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
As a result
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the advice which
is heard
from celebrities.

Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that, you can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the profits if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
is successful. If all your decisions are right, you will earn far more than working for someone else. As a bright example, if you set up your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, and you build a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reputation, you will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
substantial profits.
Therefore
, you will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a success of your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

Although, the other side of the coin voices its strong opposition, saying that running a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
is risky. When opening a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
might face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
obstacles such as raise outside capital and manage incomes
as well
as outcomes.
In addition
, if you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
mistakes in your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
decisions, your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
faces
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
serious
The usual preposition to use after "consequences" is not "including". Did you mean "consequences of", "consequences for", or "consequences on"?
consequences including
debts and can go bust. What I mean by this is that you lose everything and you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
lay off your staff.

To sum up, although there are both advantages and disadvantages of running a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. I believe the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
However
, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
admit that not everyone is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
-taker, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for someone else.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay it is a common aspiration among many young people to run their own business, rather than work for an employer. Do you think the advantages of working for yourself outweigh the drawbacks v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
323 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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