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Some businesses prohibit smoking in any of their offices. Some governments have banned smoking in all public places. Do you agree or disagree that this is the right course of action? Give reasons for your opinion v.1

Some businesses prohibit smoking in any of their offices. Some governments have banned smoking in all public places. that this is the right course of action? Give reasons for your opinion v. 1
. Most of the firms, organization and companies as well as governments impose restrictions to smoke in work places and public amenities. It has become fashionable in the world today to blame smoking. However, although I feel that smoking can be harmful, but I don’t think it should be forbidden completely. I would also argue that people should have the right whether or not they should smoke. Allow me to present the three positive sides of smoking. Firstly, smoking certainly helps many people to relax. For some, it even improves concentration. If someone is upset owing to debt or they have exam, like to smoke to reduce the pressure or tension. Most of the people like to smoke when they are relaxing with friends. Secondly, governments throughout the world make huge profits from taxes on cigarettes. The income obtained through taxes provides funds which are used for building school, hospital and public places such as parks, gardens, sports ground and foot paths. Thirdly, tobacco industry also employs tens of thousands of people all over the world, particularly in poorer countries such as Zimbabwe or the Philippines. Without cigarettes, these people would have no jobs. Despite these positive effects there are lots of negative effects to smoking too. Initially, smoking has been proven to be very dangerous for health. As one cigarette contains more than 4000 chemical substances, therefore, it causes for many dangerous diseases such as heart attacks, asthma, bronchitis or lung cancer. According to a recent report in Britain close to 3, 500 people are killed each year in road accidents and 120, 000 are killed by smoking. Furthermore, smoking costs governments millions of dollars because of the large number of people who need treatment in hospitals for smoking-related problems. Moreover, passive smoking is also a major concern today. Recent research shows that non-smokers can suffer from health problems if they spend long periods of time among people who do smoke. In the UK children whose parents are smoke are three times as likely to start smoking themselves _. In short, I think the world would be a better place without cigarettes. However, the decision of whether _ smoke or not to smoke should be for each individual to make. I suggest that people should not smoke in a room or a place where there are non smokers, however they should be free to smoke elsewhere.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.


Most of the firms, organization and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
impose restrictions to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
in work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
and public amenities. It has become fashionable in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
to blame
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
.
However
, although I feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
can be harmful,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it should
be forbidden
completely. I would
also
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should have the right
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
they should smoke.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Allow
me to present the three
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to relax. For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, it even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
concentration. If someone
is upset
owing to
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
debt or
they have exam, like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the pressure or tension. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
when they are relaxing with friends.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
throughout the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
huge profits from taxes on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
. The income obtained through taxes provides funds which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for building school, hospital and public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
such as parks, gardens, sports ground and foot paths.
Thirdly
, tobacco industry
also
employs tens of thousands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all over the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
,
particularly
in poorer countries such as Zimbabwe or the Philippines. Without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would have no jobs.

Despite these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects there are lots of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
too.
Initially
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
has
been proven
to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for health. As one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarette
contains more than 4000 chemical substances,
therefore
, it causes for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
diseases such as heart attacks, asthma, bronchitis or lung cancer. According to a recent report in Britain close to 3, 500
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are killed
each year in road accidents and 120, 000
are killed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
costs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
millions of dollars
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the large number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who need treatment in hospitals for smoking-related problems.
Moreover
, passive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
is
also
a major concern
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
. Recent research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that non-smokers can suffer from health problems if they spend long periods of time among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
. In the UK children whose parents are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
are three times as likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
themselves _.

In short, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
would be a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cigarettes
.
However
, the decision of whether _
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
or not to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
should be for each individual to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
. I suggest that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
in a room or a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
where there are
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
non smokers
,
however
they should be free to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
elsewhere.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
40Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Some businesses prohibit smoking in any of their offices. Some governments have banned smoking in all public places. that this is the right course of action? Give reasons for your opinion v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
397 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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