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Some businesses find that their new employees lack basic interpersonal skills such as cooperative skill. What are the causes and suggest possible solutions. v.1

Some businesses find that their new employees lack basic interpersonal skills such as cooperative skill. What are the causes and suggest possible solutions. v. 1
Some businesses find that their new employees lack basic interpersonal skills such as cooperative skill. What are the causes and suggest possible solutions. In the present world, there is an alarming tendency that younger employees have in the shortage of communication skills and teamwork spirit. In this essay, I will investigate a few reasons for this tendency and propose possible solutions to address the problem. There are underlying causes behind the young people’s lack of essential interpersonal abilities. Firstly, educational system itself is held accountable for the weak social-related skills of fresh employees since the school syllabus places excessive emphasis on theoretical knowledge rather than practical skills. For example, in Vietnam, students only focus on learning academic subjects to achieve excellent scores and ignore participating in social activities; therefore, after graduating, they are incapable of co-operating and handling group work in an effective manner. Additionally, the design modern workplace might also the culprit of the problem. In fact, in numerous large companies, employees are given their own cubicles and assigned with independent work, which reduces their chances to exchange words with others. However, I believe that the shortage of co-operative and communication skills which occurs in the working market could be reduced by the implementation of solutions below. The first one is that schools and universities are recommended to make changes in their curriculum, focusing more on soft skill sets. For example, debate competitions, extra-curriculum clubs and voluntary activities should be encouraged for students to take part in to sharpen their hands-on abilities. Another measure is that more opportunities for interaction amongst co-workers should be promoted with appropriate workplace design and task assignment. To be more specific, it is advisable for companies to have open space instead of separated zones and create group projects in combination with individual tasks. In conclusion, the insufficiency of fundamental social-relating skills is becoming very common due to the poor education system as well as working structure. I suggest that students should be equipped with soft skills regularly and employees should be given more chances to communicate.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
businesses find that their new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
lack basic interpersonal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as cooperative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
. What are the causes and suggest possible solutions. In the present world, there is an alarming tendency that younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
have in the shortage of communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and teamwork spirit. In this essay, I will investigate a few reasons for this tendency and propose possible solutions to address the problem.

There are underlying causes behind the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s lack of essential interpersonal abilities.
Firstly
, educational system itself
is held
accountable for the weak social-related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
of fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
since the school syllabus places excessive emphasis on theoretical knowledge
rather
than practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
For example
, in Vietnam, students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focus on learning academic subjects to achieve excellent scores and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
participating in social activities;
therefore
, after graduating, they are incapable of co-operating and handling group work
Consider replacing "in an effective manner" with the adverb for "effective"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an effective manner
.
Additionally
, the design modern workplace might
also
the culprit of the problem. In fact, in numerous large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
cubicles and assigned with independent work, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
their chances to exchange words with others.

However
, I believe that the shortage of co-operative and communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
which occurs in the working market could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by the implementation of solutions below. The
first
one is that schools and universities
are recommended
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in their curriculum, focusing more on soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
sets.
For example
, debate competitions, extra-curriculum clubs and voluntary activities should
be encouraged
for students to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in to sharpen their hands-on abilities. Another measure is that more opportunities for interaction amongst co-workers should
be promoted
with appropriate workplace design and task assignment. To be more specific, it is advisable for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to have open space
instead
of separated zones and create group projects in combination with individual tasks.

In conclusion
, the insufficiency of fundamental social-relating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
is becoming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common due to the poor education system
as well
as working structure. I suggest that students should
be equipped
with soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
regularly
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
more chances to communicate.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
To learn a language is to have one more window from which to look at the world.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Some businesses find that their new employees lack basic interpersonal skills such as cooperative skill. What are the causes and suggest possible solutions. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
342 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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