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Children today spend more time watching television than they did in the past. Describe some of the advantages and disadvantages of television for children. v.3

Children today spend more time watching television than they did in the past. Describe some of the advantages and disadvantages of television for children. v. 3
In the current world, children are more accustomed to being indulged with computers and televisions than usual. They are reluctant to go outside and do physical work and are content with the very limited entertainment they obtain through these electronic mediums. I would agree with this aspect and would like to point out that, even though there are a lot of advantages and pros with televisions, they have their own share of disadvantages too. Generally speaking, television is an excellent form of mass media that has the capacity to bring us information from miles across the globe. Usage of televisions, when done right, can be really helpful in gaining knowledge and knowing how things are in the world that is not directly accessible to us. To children, this provides them a way to learn more about the world without encouraging extra effort from their end. Science shows, news and other such educational programs which are constructed to be suitable for children, can encourage and kindle their interest and passion towards education and knowledge. These kinds of shows have the capability to bring forward intellectuals, who are wrought from very small ages. The other side of the coin is where these children get addicted and occupied with the more entertaining aspects of the television. Instead of using entertainment mediums like cartoons and slapstick comedies sparingly, children, nowadays, use television mostly for such purposes. Compared to earlier days, the frequency of the educational programs become less while the other programs are seeing an upward spiral due to their tendency to be taken up easily by children. In conclusion, I would say that Television has the power and outlook to be life-changing for children, but they have to be used sparingly all the while, physical activities and sports should be encouraged. Children should be appreciated for watching science shows and the entertainment medium must only be used recreationally when education grows tough.
In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more accustomed to
being indulged
with computers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
televisions
than usual. They are reluctant to go outside and do physical work and are content with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
limited entertainment they obtain through these electronic mediums. I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this aspect and would like to point out that,
even though
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
advantages and pros with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
televisions
, they have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
share of disadvantages too.

Generally
speaking,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is an excellent form of mass media that has the capacity to bring us information from miles across the globe. Usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
televisions
, when done right, can be
really
helpful in gaining knowledge and knowing how things are in the world
that is
not
directly
accessible to us. To
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, this provides them a way to learn more about the world without encouraging extra effort from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
. Science
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, news and other such educational programs which
are constructed
to be suitable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, can encourage and kindle their interest and passion towards education and knowledge. These kinds of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
have the capability to bring forward intellectuals, who are wrought from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
ages.

The other side of the coin is where these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
addicted and occupied with the more entertaining aspects of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
.
Instead
of using entertainment mediums like cartoons and slapstick comedies
sparingly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
mostly
for such purposes. Compared to earlier days, the frequency of the educational programs become less while the other programs are seeing an upward spiral due to their tendency to
be taken
up
easily
by children.

In conclusion
, I would say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
has the power and outlook to be life-changing for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
sparingly
all the while, physical activities and sports should
be encouraged
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
should
be appreciated
for watching science
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and the entertainment medium
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
recreationally
when education grows tough.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Children today spend more time watching television than they did in the past. Describe some of the advantages and disadvantages of television for children. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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