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In many countries, mainly tourists, but not local people visit museums and historical sites. Why does this happen and what can be done to attract more local people to visit these places? v.1

In many countries, mainly tourists, but not local people visit museums and historical sites. Why does this happen and what can be done to attract more local people to visit these places? v. 1
A lot of countries, especially tourist are more attracted to museums and historical places in spite of resident people. The interest of museums and historical sites is very low in local people. However, some people discuss this point and consider that why only a few native people visit their famous sites and what measures should be done for encouraging visitors. First of all, local people should have sufficient knowledge about their history and culture. This is the main reason behind the decline of local people interest in art galleries. If they visit the same place, again and again then this will not be productive for them. They will not get new things to learn about their past from the museum but for tourists, it is the best place to gain knowledge about the over past culture and heritage. So, they tend to visit often to new places. Moreover, the price of tickets is very high and people do not want to spend more money which is not beneficial for them. To solve this, the government can construct more museum that contains new types of information apart from over history like a museum of arms and ammunition or maybe aircraft or ships through which we can get enormous knowledge about the latest technology. Advertisement can also attract the countryside people. Tickets price should be affordable and for senior citizens or children under the age of 12 should be free of cost. The government should renovate the old museum and set up new facilities for hygienic and amusement. To conclude, the local authority should start new things that catch their eyes and make them happy. To attract local people a lot of efforts should be made by the government but prices should be reasonable and a variety of facilities should be organized.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
countries,
especially
tourist are more attracted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
resident
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The interest of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and historical sites is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
low in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
discuss this point and consider that why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
visit their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
sites and what measures should
be done
for encouraging visitors.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should have sufficient knowledge about their history and culture. This is the main reason behind the decline of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
interest in art galleries. If they visit the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
, again and again then this will not be productive for them. They will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things to learn about their past from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for tourists, it is the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
to gain knowledge about the over past culture and heritage.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they tend to visit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
.
Moreover
, the price of tickets is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not want to spend more money which is not beneficial for them.

To solve this, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can construct more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
that contains
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
types of information apart from over history like a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
of arms and ammunition or maybe aircraft or ships through which we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
enormous knowledge about the latest technology. Advertisement can
also
attract the countryside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Tickets price should be affordable and for senior citizens or children under the age of 12 should be free of cost. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should renovate the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
and set up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
facilities for hygienic and amusement.

To conclude
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
authority should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things that catch their eyes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them happy. To attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
efforts should
be made
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
prices should be reasonable and a variety of facilities should
be organized
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay In many countries, mainly tourists, but not local people visit museums and historical sites. Why does this happen and what can be done to attract more local people to visit these places? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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