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Some believe that to give opportunities to the new generation companies should encourage high level employees who are older than 55 to retire. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some believe that to give opportunities to the new generation companies should encourage high level employees who are older than 55 to retire. v. 1
A popular belief is that the predecessors who are over 55 had better give more chances for the younger generation. However, I opine that it is unnecessary for the foregoers to undertake this order owing to their years of experience. First and foremost, people who have worked in a company for a long time would become the key factors of that company. As they gain knowledge and experience day by day with a cluster of work and various kinds of people. The older generation has spent their youth, attempted persistently to contribute to the company prosperity. Moreover, after years attaching to the company, they certainly went through ups and downs at work. As a result, those forerunners are supposed to be the model for the youngsters. Nevertheless, the young generation nowadays is appreciated immensely. Due to their ambition, the inquisitive spirit, also the advance of technology. All of them has supported the millennials really much. Being young is also a privilege as they are always energetic and desired to prove themselves. Besides, as I mentioned before technology is a crucial part for almost work so the elderly who are considered to be computer-illiterate might have difficulty in their job. That's why the younger generation is significantly honoured. To sum up, even though the youngsters are talented in different aspects, the old employees should not be encouraged to retire. The combination between experiences of the preceding generation and the enthusiasm, creativity of the young would become the perfect catch.
A popular belief is that the predecessors who are over 55 had better give more chances for the younger generation.
However
, I opine that it is unnecessary for the
foregoers
to undertake this order owing to their years of experience.

First
and foremost,
people
who have worked in a
company
for a long time would become the key factors of that
company
. As they gain knowledge and experience day by day with a cluster of work and various kinds of
people
. The older generation has spent their youth, attempted
persistently
to contribute to the
company
prosperity.
Moreover
, after years attaching to the
company
, they
certainly
went through ups and downs at work.
As a result
, those forerunners
are supposed
to be the model for the youngsters.

Nevertheless
, the young generation nowadays
is appreciated
immensely
. Due to their ambition, the inquisitive spirit,
also
the advance of technology. All of them has supported the millennials
really
much. Being young is
also
a privilege as they are always energetic and desired to prove themselves.
Besides
, as I mentioned
before
technology is a crucial part for almost work
so
the elderly who
are considered
to be computer-illiterate might have difficulty in their job. That's why the younger generation is
significantly
honoured
.

To sum up,
even though
the youngsters
are talented
in
different
aspects, the
old
employees should not
be encouraged
to retire. The combination between experiences of the preceding generation and the enthusiasm, creativity of the young would become the perfect catch.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some believe that to give opportunities to the new generation companies should encourage high level employees who are older than 55 to retire. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
248 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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