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and IT professionals from poorer companies are leaving their countries for developed countries for better-paying jobs. What are the possible problems of this and what solutions can you suggest to deal with this issue? v.1

and IT professionals from poorer companies are leaving their countries for developed countries for better-paying jobs. What are the possible problems of this and what solutions can you suggest to deal with this issue? v. 1
It is a common trendy IT professionals prefer working for the big scale companies, particularly in the developed countries. They could hired with a good salary and higher life standard in these countries. In terms of these, some issues will be emerged. In this essay, will briefly explain these problems, and some suggestions. In the modern life, many people can move to abroud easily, especially if he or she has a good job opportunity. The most chosed white-collar people are IT guys because of they connect all around the world. Thus, they have learned where they can hired for the big companies, also the developing technology has need mostly in order to manage everything related to the internet. However, many of these types of white-collar individuals alter to employ in the Western countries than poorer national countries. Therefore, the technology and computer engineering's benefits have increased in a only location. Everybody can not access advantages of the modern programmes or other software systems in the other growing continents. Due to the fact that there will be occurred some major problems, such as poorer locations can not rise up the level of civilation. In addition, some cultural issues can be started for the immigrants. The third and the most significant one is increasing racism among the people, they have give importance their own ethnic ancestry have never before. To inhibite them, the governments should encourage the individuals who want to move abroud return again with some better positions. For example, a scholarship can given for the youth, or retirement situation can healed for the elders. The authorities should educated how crucial these people's for the future. In conclusion, I restate that there are many major issues because of the ıt workers are hired by the more modern and well-known companies. To eliminate it, the governments should give the job satisfaction not only the personal, also nationality. In the future, the people will be conscious about it, however they should inform it immediatedly.
It is a common trendy IT professionals prefer working for the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
scale
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
,
particularly
in the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. They could
The verb 'could' requires the base form of the verb: "hire"
hired
with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
salary and higher life standard in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. In terms of these,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issues will
be emerged
. In this essay, will
briefly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
these problems, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
suggestions.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
the modern life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
abroud
easily
,
especially
if he or she has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job opportunity. The most
Possible spelling mistake found.
chosed
white-collar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are IT guys
Probable usage error. Use "because they" instead.
because of they
connect all around the world.
Thus
, they have learned where they can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "hire"
hired
for the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
,
also
the developing technology has need
mostly
in order to manage everything related to the internet.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of these types of white-collar individuals alter to employ in the Western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
than poorer national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Therefore
, the technology and computer engineering's benefits have increased in
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
location. Everybody can not access advantages of the modern
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
or other software systems in the other growing continents.

Due to the fact that there will
be occurred
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
major problems, such as poorer locations can not rise up the level of
Possible spelling mistake found.
civilation
.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cultural issues can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
for the immigrants. The third and the most significant one is increasing racism among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, they have give importance their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
ethnic ancestry have never
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. To
Possible spelling mistake found.
inhibite
them, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should encourage the individuals who want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
Possible spelling mistake found.
abroud
return again with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
better positions.
For example
, a scholarship can
Did you mean "give" or "be given"?
given
for the youth, or retirement situation can healed for the elders. The authorities should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "educate"
educated
how crucial these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's for the future.

In conclusion
, I restate that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
major issues
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
Possible mistake. Please verify.
ıt workers
are hired
by the more modern and well-known
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
. To eliminate it, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should give the job satisfaction not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the personal,
also
nationality. In the future, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be conscious about it,
however
they should inform it
Possible spelling mistake found.
immediatedly
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Mistakes

IELTS essay and IT professionals from poorer companies are leaving their countries for developed countries for better-paying jobs. What are the possible problems of this and what solutions can you suggest to deal with this issue? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
331 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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