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Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.10

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. v. 10
Nowadays, it is said that giving money to poorer countries by richer countries is not a efficient method to deal with poverty. Many developed countries should support developing countries or poor countries by various ways rather than just giving them money. In my opinion, I completely agree with this view, and i will discuss it in this essay. First of all, developed countries can spend money on other helpful aims. To clarify, they can use that money to build a company, a office or a work place in poorer countries to help poor people get a constant job. By doing this, their living quality can be improved and they can make money on their own. If richer countries just support the other ones by financial aid, there is no effect in preventing people from poverty because they just can spend that amount of money to live without thinking to have more money for a long time. Secondly, developed countries can support developing countries or even countries still in poverty by many ways. They can transfer their goods or food to poorer areas to decrease the number of hungers. Moreover, they can establish organizations to provide modern equipment, facilities and services or even building infrastructure to improve the poverty in other countries. For instance, many countries supported poorer area by building hospitals and schools to help them. In conclusion, I believe that there are still many ways to tackle poverty in many poorer countries due to the fact that richer countries depend on the conditions they can support.
Nowadays, it
is said
that giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
by richer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is not
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
efficient method to deal with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
or poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
by various ways
rather
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
giving them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. In my opinion, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view, and
Did you mean "I"?
i
will discuss it in this essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on other helpful aims. To clarify, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to build a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
,
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
office or a work place in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a constant job. By doing this, their living quality can be
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
improved and
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. If richer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
the other ones by financial aid, there is no effect in preventing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
can spend that amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
without thinking to have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for a long time.

Secondly
, developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
or even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
still
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways. They can transfer their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
or food to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
areas to decrease the number of hungers.
Moreover
, they can establish organizations to provide modern equipment, facilities and services or even building infrastructure to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
in other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
supported
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
area by building hospitals and schools to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them.

In conclusion
, I believe that there are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to tackle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
due to the fact that richer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
depend on the conditions they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid. v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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