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Some believe that the best way to stay fit is to join a gym or health club while others think doing everyday activities such as walking and climbing stairs is enough. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.3

Some believe that the best way to stay fit is to join a gym or health club while others think doing everyday activities such as walking and climbing stairs is enough. v. 3
Nowadays, being in best body shape has become men and women obsession which urges them to do physical exercises. While many people hold the belief that to achieve a lean body, anybody has to subscribe to a local fitness club. Others think that outdoor walking or jogging with some going up and down on the stairs will be enough. This essay agrees with the former opinion, and in the following paragraphs, my point of view will be manifested in detail. On one hand, achieving ideal body weight is not a simple process; it requires a well-formulated plan which is made by an experienced trainer in a reputed gym. In other words, fitness clubs are well equipped with cardio devices and weight lifting machines which allow the trainees to gain the best of both. To exemplify this, a local study in Suadi Arabia conducted in 2018 on 600 gym-subscribed-trainees showed that they reached their desired goals in half the time of people who train on their own. Hence, joining gyms and local fitness clubs can help efficiently in reaching the aspired body shape. On the other hand, many cardiologists advocate for just walking for half an hour daily in public tracks along with using the staircases other than the elevators. They believe that in this way people will enhance their health in general; in addition to, improving their body shapes. For example, a paper published in The British Medical Journal illustrated that high-pace walking and jogging improve the cardiac output and decrease the mortality rate by 25 percent. Thus, this lifestyle is more suitable for the elderly or others who cannot afford the cost of gym subscription. In conclusion, after demonstration of both sides, although climbing few building floors every day with walking could promote the general health and improve the body morphology, I think that working out in the gym is more beneficial especially for those who opt for lean body shape and the best outlook.
Nowadays, being in best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
shape has become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women obsession which urges them to do physical exercises. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hold the belief that to achieve a lean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
, anybody
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
subscribe to a local fitness club. Others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that outdoor walking or jogging with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "goes", "goings", "gos"?
going
up and down on the stairs will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with the former opinion, and in the following paragraphs, my point of view will
be manifested
in detail.

On one hand, achieving ideal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
weight is not a simple process; it requires a well-formulated plan which
is made
by an experienced trainer in a reputed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, fitness clubs are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well equipped
with cardio devices and weight lifting machines which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
the trainees to gain the best of both. To exemplify this, a local study in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Suadi
Arabia conducted in 2018 on 600 gym-subscribed-trainees
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that they reached their desired goals in half the time of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who train on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
Hence
, joining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gyms
and local fitness clubs can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
efficiently
in reaching the aspired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
shape.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cardiologists advocate for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
walking for half an hour daily in public
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tracks
along with using the staircases
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
than the elevators. They believe that in this way
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will enhance their health
in general
;
in addition
to, improving their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
shapes.
For example
, a paper published in The British Medical Journal illustrated that high-pace walking and jogging
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the cardiac output and decrease the mortality rate by 25 percent.
Thus
, this lifestyle is more suitable for the elderly or others who cannot afford the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
subscription.

In conclusion
, after demonstration of both sides, although climbing few building floors every day with walking could promote the general health and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
morphology, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that working out in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gym
is more beneficial
especially
for those who opt for lean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
body
shape and the best outlook.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some believe that the best way to stay fit is to join a gym or health club while others think doing everyday activities such as walking and climbing stairs is enough. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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