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‘Social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter are observed to have more negative effects than positive being more useful for the criminals than others. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. ’ v.1

‘Social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter are observed to have more negative effects than positive being more useful for the criminals than others. with this statement? ’ v. 1
Around us, we notice​ ​d​ many people are using social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter. It is considered by many that social networking site has many advantages, while some believe ​ d​ that social networking site encourages criminals. I partially agree with both views, because of technology, people can stay closer to the world with cheap and efficient communication. Firstly, social media sites are ​like a ​ bridge for people, especially for​ who live far from each other. Because of social media, many old and new friends can chat easily, share the information about their lives. Also, those peoples who migrated in another country, they can stay connected ​through ​by​ social media like a Facebook video call. Moreover, many people ​ with similar interest can form a group and learn from each other which increases their knowledge in that particular field​. For example, some people like to know more about the painting, so they follow the painter’s community and ​ get more idea about different painters who work around the world. On the other hand, social networking site embarks many sorrow events in people’s life. Nowadays​, ​ people are ​very ​ addicted from these social sites, which ​affects ​on their physical and psychological health. For instance, many students, who​ are ​ neglect​ed​ ​by their friends. ​Take revenge ​ by ​ ​ accessing ​ the ​ ​ ​ friend’s ​account ​ and threaten them. Many people create the fake account and chat​. There are many people ​who ​over​ share their​ personal ​ details on the social site​, ​ which ​makes it easy for criminals to hack into. To sum up, I believe that the use of social media is good ​to a ​​ certain level ​but​ precautions should be taken regarding privacy and security.
Around us, we notice​ ​d​
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
like Facebook and Twitter. It
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
site
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe ​ d​ that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
site
encourages criminals. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with both views,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can stay closer to the world with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
and efficient communication.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
are ​like a ​ bridge for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
for​
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
far from each other.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and new friends can chat
easily
, share the information about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Also
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
migrated in another country, they can stay connected ​through ​by​
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
like a Facebook video call.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
​ with similar interest can form a group and learn from each other which increases their knowledge in that particular field​.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to know more about the painting,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they follow the painter’s community and ​
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
painters
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
work around the world.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
site
embarks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sorrow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
life. Nowadays​, ​
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are ​
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
​ addicted from these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
, which ​affects ​on their physical and psychological health.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who​
are ​ neglect​ed​ ​by their friends. ​Take revenge ​ by ​ ​ accessing ​ the ​ ​ ​ friend’s ​account ​ and threaten them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
create the fake account and chat​. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
​who
​over​ share their​ personal ​
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
site​
, ​ which ​
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it easy for criminals to hack into.

To sum up, I believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
​to a ​​ certain level ​
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
​ precautions should
be taken
regarding privacy and security.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
36Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay ‘Social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter are observed to have more negative effects than positive being more useful for the criminals than others. with this statement? ’ v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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