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Some believe that school children should not be given homework by their teacher, whereas other argue that homework plays an important role in education of the children. Discuss both the views and give your opinion. v.1

Some believe that school children should not be given homework by their teacher, whereas other argue that homework plays an important role in education of the children. v. 1
Whether or not school children should be given homework is becoming a debatable topic. Some folks believe that homework plays a vital role in the development of the children while some set of people argue with this view of giving homework. In my opinion, I believe that it is a necessary aspect of education. To embark with, there are various benefits of giving homework to the school children. Firstly, homework helps children to retain their learning for a long time. Homework makes them to practice the things twice that they have studied in the class which helps them in gaining expertise over concepts. For example, performing the same mathematical problem again at home, students consolidate the understanding of the concept taught by their teacher at school. Secondly, homework also teaches independent learning and time management skills to the student. Therefore, homework is necessary for the holistic development of the children. On the other hand, there are some set of people who are in the favour of no homework. They believe that homework puts extra burden on the children. They feel isolated and depressed as they do not get time to spend with their family members and friends. To illustrate, a study of health-department of Oxford university has proved that 30% of the children who invest more time on homework in contrast to other activities develop more stress. In addition to this, they barely get time for playing games which will help them to stay physically and mentally agile. Hence, due to all these reason, homework is considered to be unnecessary. In conclusion, although there are some drawbacks, the positive of getting or receiving homework is overwhelming. However, teachers need to ensure that they have not burdened students with excessive work.
Consider shortening this phrase to just "Whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
Whether or not
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
is becoming a debatable topic.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
folks believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
plays a vital role in the development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
set of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue with this view of giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
. In my opinion, I believe that it is a necessary aspect of education.

To embark with, there are various benefits of giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
to the school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to retain their learning for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Homework
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them to practice the things twice that they have studied in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them in gaining expertise over concepts.
For example
, performing the same mathematical problem again at home, students consolidate the understanding of the concept taught by their teacher at school.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
also
teaches independent learning and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to the student.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
is necessary for the holistic development of the children.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
set of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
. They believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
puts extra burden on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They feel isolated and depressed as they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend with their family members and friends. To illustrate, a study of health-department of Oxford university has proved that 30% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who invest more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
in contrast
to other activities develop more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
In addition
to this, they
barely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for playing games which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to stay
physically
and mentally agile.
Hence
, due to all these reason,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
is considered
to be unnecessary.

In conclusion
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
of getting or receiving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homework
is overwhelming.
However
, teachers need to ensure that they have not burdened students with excessive work.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some believe that school children should not be given homework by their teacher, whereas other argue that homework plays an important role in education of the children. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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