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Some believe that one should spend more time being far away from the people we care about, because it is necessary for people to understand the importance of relationship of people we care about, while others think being away from people we care about can v.2

Some believe that one should spend more time being far away from the people we care about, because it is necessary for people to understand the importance of relationship of people we care about, while others think being away from people we care about can v. 2
There is no doubt that everyone in his daily life get familiar with different individuals who leave profound effects on him and maybe make friends with some of them. The simple recognition of the argument lends our discussion to the questions of how two close friends can cement their relationship. Although some people adhere to this belief that they should be far away from each other to perceive the value of relationship, I believe it poses a threat to their friendship, since it weakens their emotion bond and also they cannot help each other. The first aspect to point out is that what damages friends’ relationship those are far from each other is weakening their emotional relationship. In fact, at the turn of the new century, with the development of human modern society, there are a lot of weights of obsession on people’s minds; so if friends are far from each other, they do not have enough time to interact with each other, express their emotion and fortify their relationship. To illustrate more, take a case of two friends who are making friends for several years for instance. If they live near each other, they can go gym and play computer games every day. Not only can they have endless hours of sheer fun, but also they enjoy from being with each other. Hence, a person can strengthen his relationship with friends who are near him. A furthermore subtle point is that what provokes close friends not living far away from each other is helping each other in catastrophic circumstance. Indeed human life is analogous with a tortuous way in mountain in quite a few aspects. It is axiomatic that everyone in his life runs into huge problems and he need supports of his close friends. Should his close friends live in the vicinity of him, he can cope the problems by the assistance of them. Also, they can psychologically boost his morale and instill precious concepts such as perseverance and diligence to tackle the problems. In this way, he can appreciate the value of his friends who make him more energetic and lively by their presence. In contrast, if his friends do not have physical presence beside him, he will feel lonely. Therefor, their relationship little by little is damaged. On the whole, according to the above-mentioned points and details, it is crystal-clear (obvious) that far distance between two friends can damage their relationship since they cannot express their emotion, and support each other. It is high time we stopped overlooking the fact that close friends who just communicate through telephone or internet can sustain their relationship. It is anticipated that friends without face to face communication readily forget each other.
There is no doubt that everyone in his daily life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
familiar with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
profound effects on him and maybe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them. The simple recognition of the argument lends our discussion to the questions of how two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
can cement their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
adhere to this belief that they should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
far
away from each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
to perceive the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
, I believe it poses a threat to their friendship, since it weakens their emotion bond and
also
they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
each other.

The
first
aspect to point out is that what damages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
those are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
far
from each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
is weakening their emotional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
. In fact, at the turn of the new century, with the development of human modern society, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
weights of obsession on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s minds;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
far
from each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to interact with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, express their emotion and fortify their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
. To illustrate more, take a case of two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
for several years
for instance
. If they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
near each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, they can go gym and play computer games every day. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can they have endless hours of sheer fun,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they enjoy from being with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
Hence
, a person can strengthen his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are near him.

A
furthermore
subtle point is that what provokes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
not living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
far
away from each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
is helping each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
in catastrophic circumstance.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Indeed
human life is analogous with a tortuous way in mountain in quite a few aspects. It is axiomatic that everyone in his life runs into huge
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
problems and
he need
Did you mean "support"?
supports
of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. Should his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in the vicinity of him, he can cope the problems by the assistance of them.
Also
, they can
psychologically
boost his morale and instill precious concepts such as perseverance and diligence to tackle the problems. In this way, he can appreciate the value of his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
him more energetic and lively by their presence.
In contrast
, if his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
do not have physical presence beside him, he will feel lonely. Therefor, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
is damaged
.

On the whole
, according to the above-mentioned points and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, it is crystal-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
(obvious) that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
far
distance between two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
can damage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
since they cannot express their emotion, and support each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
. It is high time we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
overlooking the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
close
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
communicate through telephone or internet can sustain their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
. It
is anticipated
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
without face to face communication
readily
forget each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
49Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some believe that one should spend more time being far away from the people we care about, because it is necessary for people to understand the importance of relationship of people we care about, while others think being away from people we care about can v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
452 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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