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Some believe that one should spend more time being far away from the people we care about, because it is necessary for people to understand the importance of relationship of people we care about, while others think being away from people we care about can v.1

Some believe that one should spend more time being far away from the people we care about, because it is necessary for people to understand the importance of relationship of people we care about, while others think being away from people we care about can v. 1
These days, people journey to big malls and centres to shop, resulting in the closure of small businesses. This is a negative development. This essay, will discuss the reasons why I believe so. First of all, the reason I feel that shopping in large malls instead of the small ones is not ideal, is because it will affect the growth of the small and medium enterprises (SMEs). These SMEs are vital for economic growth in any country and as such closure of small businesses will greatly affect the economy. For example, the Nigerian government recognizes the role of small businesses and as such, are investing heavily in them by sponsoring individuals who have great business ideas but lack the funds to establish them. Secondly, when customers go to large shopping centres, they encourage monopoly by the big businesses since there is almost no competition for the big malls. For example, when Shoprite was established in Enugu city, many small businesses closed up because people preferred to go shopping in Shoprite rather than the small shops near them. Consequently, Shoprite gained monopoly since they became the only mall in the town. Finally, another reason for this is that, the closure of small businesses leads to unemployment. These small businesses help to reduce the national unemployment rate, because when they are no more in business, many people lose their jobs and thus, become unemployed. In conclusion, I feel people should patronize small business, instead of the large shops because the benefits to the society are enormous, as discusses above.
These days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
journey to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
to shop, resulting in the closure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
. This is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development. This essay, will discuss the reasons why I believe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the reason I feel that shopping in large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
instead
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
ones is not ideal, is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will affect the growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
and medium enterprises (SMEs). These SMEs are vital for economic growth in any country and as such closure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
will
greatly
affect the economy.
For example
, the Nigerian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
recognizes the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
and as such, are investing
heavily
in them by sponsoring individuals who have great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
lack the funds to establish them.

Secondly
, when customers go to large shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
, they encourage monopoly by the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
since there is almost no competition for the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
malls
.
For example
, when
Possible spelling mistake found.
Shoprite
was established
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Enugu
city,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
closed up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
preferred to go shopping in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Shoprite
rather
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
shops near them.
Consequently
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Shoprite
gained monopoly since they became the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mall
in the town.

Finally
, another reason for this is that, the closure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
leads to unemployment. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the national unemployment rate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when they are no more in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lose their jobs and
thus
, become unemployed.

In conclusion
, I feel
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should patronize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
,
instead
of the large shops
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the benefits to the society are enormous, as discusses above.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some believe that one should spend more time being far away from the people we care about, because it is necessary for people to understand the importance of relationship of people we care about, while others think being away from people we care about can v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
257 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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