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Which one you prefer: working five days but fewer hours per day or three days and longer hours per day v.2

Which one you prefer: working five days but fewer hours per day or three days and longer hours per day v. 2
The time one spends at work-place is one of the most crucial periods in life, as it leads to personal happiness and satisfaction and shapes the ensuing future. Hence, one of the most controversial issues amongst many people is to schedule working time efficiently. As far as I am concerned in the state of ambivalence, I might lean toward working for a shorter period for five days. Conceivably, many people believe that three-days-working is a more profitable option, but many reasons such as the daily free time and total mood enhancement can declare a higher beneficiary of the five-days-working system. I will interpret my statement in the following. First, the time to enjoy daily activities is an advantageous to life quality and happiness due to the valuable interactions included in daily off-work experiences. Doubtlessly, these interactions help to broaden the life quality and enrich one' s satisfaction. To be able to spend time on fun activities such as watching a movie, visiting relatives and playing with family members, we need to have a regulated amount of time, which the compound working day can not bring. Granted, you have two free days to enjoy, but you can not play with your children when they are at school. As an illustrative example, when I first entered high school at shahid Behsti high school in Iran there was a girl, named Sara. Sara' s fether worker in a company from Monday to Wednesday, which remained him two days to spend with his daughter. In the beginning, everyone thought Sara was lucky to spend many days with his father, but it was not true. Unfortunately, we had social activities during Thursdays and Fridays during the whole three years. Sara' s father was meant to spend majority of his time with his beloved daughter, but circumstances did not go as planned. As one can see, having daily short periods to do fun activities is better as one can make more flexible plans and it associates with daily free hours a work provides. It is not presumptuous to judge one' s daily mood according to strees level. No one can truly assure another' s stress solely based on office-time, but it is assumable that if one works for longer hours, the perceived stress level would increase. A person who seems relaxed works for fewer hours most of the time and enjoys daily relaxation routines. My personal experiences are the foundation behind my next point. Office work hours directly influence the tension which is imperative to total tonic-mood. Surely, it is wiser to reduce working time than to deny the pressure and have gloomy mood. I am of the conviction that one needs to experience enjoyment daily and have a good mood. This is a personal suggestion in which its effects are evident in motivation and enjoyment. Regarding the aforementioned reasons, I conclude that spending five days at work is a better option as long as one spends fewer hours at work per day. All in all, a coin has two sides and an edge, so it is wise to include personal preferences and experiences into account before final decision-taking.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spends
at work-place is one of the most crucial periods in life, as it leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
happiness and satisfaction and shapes the ensuing future.
Hence
, one of the most controversial issues amongst
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
to schedule
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
efficiently
. As far as I
am concerned
in the state of ambivalence, I might lean toward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
for a shorter period for five days.
Conceivably
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that three-days-working is a more profitable option,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons such as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and total mood enhancement can declare a higher beneficiary of the five-days-working system. I will interpret my statement in the following.

First
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
is an advantageous to life quality and happiness due to the valuable interactions included in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
off-work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
.
Doubtlessly
, these interactions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to broaden the life quality and enrich
Possible spelling mistake found.
one&
#039; s satisfaction. To be able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on fun
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as watching a movie, visiting relatives and playing with family members, we need to have a regulated amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, which the compound
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
day can not bring. Granted, you have two free days to enjoy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
you can not play with your children when they are at school. As an illustrative example, when I
first
entered high school at
Possible spelling mistake found.
shahid
Possible spelling mistake found.
Behsti
high school in Iran there was a girl, named Sara.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sara&
#039;
Possible spelling mistake found.
s fether
worker in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
from Monday to Wednesday, which remained him two days to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
with his daughter. In the beginning, everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
Sara was lucky to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
days with his father,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it was not true. Unfortunately, we had social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
during Thursdays and Fridays during the whole three years.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sara&
#039; s father
was meant
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with his beloved daughter,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
circumstances did not go as planned. As one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
, having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
short periods to do fun
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
is better
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more flexible plans and it associates with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
provides.

It is not presumptuous to judge
Possible spelling mistake found.
one&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
mood according to
Possible spelling mistake found.
strees
level. No one can
truly
assure
Possible spelling mistake found.
another&
#039; s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
solely
based on office-time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is assumable that if one works for longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
, the perceived
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
level would increase. A person who seems relaxed works for fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and enjoys
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
relaxation routines. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
are the foundation behind my
next
point. Office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
directly
influence the tension which is imperative to total tonic-mood.
Surely
, it is wiser to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
than to deny the pressure and have gloomy mood.

I am of the conviction that one needs to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
enjoyment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
daily
and have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
mood. This is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
suggestion in which its effects are evident in motivation and enjoyment. Regarding the aforementioned reasons, I conclude that spending five days at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is a better option as long as one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spends
fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
per day. All in all, a coin has two sides and an edge,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is wise to include
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
preferences and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experiences
into account
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
final decision-taking.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
48Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes

IELTS essay Which one you prefer: working five days but fewer hours per day or three days and longer hours per day v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
523 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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