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Some believe that more academic subjects such as chemistry, physics and history should be taught in schools, while others believe that students will derive more benefit from studying practical subjects, such as motor mechanics and cooking. Discuss both views and provide your own opinion with relevant examples. v.5

Some believe that more academic subjects such as chemistry, physics and history should be taught in schools, while others believe that students will derive more benefit from studying practical subjects, such as motor mechanics and cooking. v. 5
Nowadays, the question of whether or not the academic should be taught in schools has been receiving a great deal of public attention. In my opinion, although having access to academic courses is not without advantages, vocational subjects will be far more significant. There are a number of benefits of teaching academic courses in schools. First, since students want to land decent jobs later, Academic courses are necessary. In fact, these subjects such as math, science and physics prepare for learners fundamental theories to do complex jobs like doctor, teacher and scientist which require deeper understanding of nature of subjects, thus makes them become more competitive in the labour market. Second, by attending to academic courses which require students have to deal with various assignments and researches, they have opportunities to develop some soft skills such as problem-solving skills, logical thinking and communication skills. This means that several academic courses' activities like teamwork, essential skill to apply for their future jobs, which help them adapt to work easily. Nevertheless, vocational subjects should be considered to train students in schooling. First, in order to apply for a job without requiring higher qualifications, these courses providing for students with various practical skills and work experience. For example, a young person who is trained by a motor mechanic at school can early make a living after graduating, which supports themselves and raise their family as soon as possible. Second, by encouraging students to study vocational courses, they can become employees working as manual jobs. This means that if vocational courses were invested to improve the quality workforce and attract more students, some countries such as Canada, Japan and Australia would reach a balance of the labour market. In conclusion, Emphasizing the academic subjects in the educational system for improving workforce should be not considered as the most effective way. By teaching different vocational courses, the labour market will be balanced.
Nowadays,
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
the question of whether
or not the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
should
be taught
in schools has been receiving a great deal of public attention. In my opinion, although having access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
is not without advantages, vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
will be far more significant.

There are a number of benefits of teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
in schools.
First
, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
want to land decent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
later,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
are necessary. In fact, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as math, science and physics prepare for learners fundamental theories to do complex
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
like doctor, teacher and scientist which require deeper understanding of nature of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
,
thus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them become more competitive in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
market. Second, by attending to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
which require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
deal with various assignments and researches, they have opportunities to develop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as problem-solving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, logical thinking and communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. This means that several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
courses' activities like teamwork, essential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
to apply for their future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them adapt to work
easily
.

Nevertheless
, vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should
be considered
to train
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in schooling.
First
, in order to apply for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
without requiring higher qualifications, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
providing for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with various practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and work experience.
For example
, a young person who
is trained
by a motor mechanic at school can early
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a living after graduating, which supports themselves and raise their family as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible. Second, by encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to study vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
, they can become employees working as manual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. This means that if vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
were invested
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the quality workforce and attract more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries such as Canada, Japan and Australia would reach a balance of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
market.

In conclusion
, Emphasizing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
in the educational system for improving workforce should be not considered as the most effective way. By teaching
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
, the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
market will
be balanced
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Some believe that more academic subjects such as chemistry, physics and history should be taught in schools, while others believe that students will derive more benefit from studying practical subjects, such as motor mechanics and cooking. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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