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Some students work while studying. This often results in lacking time for education and constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v.13

Some students work while studying. This often results in lacking time for education and constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 13
Few students work during their education. Due to this their time for education get reduced, and they encounter constant pressure of exams and to complete their syllabus on time. Costly education is one of the prominent reasons of this issue, in my opinion, online classes can solve this problem. Schools and the universities in most of the developing and developed nations charges a huge amount finances for the degree or for the services they provide during the curriculum. This has increased the necessity of part-time jobs for the students because most of the middle-class families don't have savings, and due to that students have to pay their fees in instalments, also have to bear their daily expenses. As a result, they face constant financial and educational pressure while pursuing their education. For example, the Canadian government detains one out of five international students because they work more hours than the permitted limit to bear their fees and expenses. The traditional approach of educating people has numerous limits, therefore it is not in the budget of every individual. Internet based study can be a prominent solution for this problem. Where, in traditional way schools and the universities require space and infrastructure, online mode has obsolete all these requirements. If a student has internet connectivity, he can grasp the knowledge from a remote location easily. According to a survey, 35% global universities are offering online courses for a third level course. Consequently, students are opting for this option because it's cheaper and they are getting same degree. In conclusion, the education system should be revised because high prices of education are putting students under a tremendous pressure. The internet can solve this issue through its capability to reach every remote location.
Few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
work during their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. Due to this their time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
, and they encounter constant pressure of exams and to complete their syllabus on time. Costly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is one of the prominent reasons of this issue, in my opinion, online classes can solve this problem.

Schools and the universities in most of the developing and developed nations charges a huge amount finances for the degree or for the services they provide during the curriculum. This has increased the necessity of part-time jobs for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of the middle-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
families don't have savings, and due to that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay their fees in
Possible spelling mistake. 'instalments' is British English.
instalments
,
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
bear their daily expenses.
As a result
, they face constant financial and educational pressure while pursuing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
For example
, the Canadian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
detains one out of five international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they work more hours than the permitted limit to bear their fees and expenses.

The traditional approach of educating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
has numerous limits,
therefore
it is not in the budget of every individual. Internet based study can be a prominent solution for this problem. Where, in traditional way schools and the universities require space and infrastructure, online mode has obsolete all these requirements. If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
has internet connectivity, he can grasp the knowledge from a remote location
easily
. According to a survey, 35% global universities are offering online courses for a third level course.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are opting for this option
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it's
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
cheaper and
they are getting same degree.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system should
be revised
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
high prices of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
are putting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
under a tremendous pressure. The internet can solve this issue through its capability to reach every remote location.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some students work while studying. This often results in lacking time for education and constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 13

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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