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Some believe that more academic subjects such as chemistry, physics and history should be taught in schools, while others believe that students will derive more benefit from studying practical subjects, such as motor mechanics and cooking. Discuss both views and provide your own opinion with relevant examples. v.3

Some believe that more academic subjects such as chemistry, physics and history should be taught in schools, while others believe that students will derive more benefit from studying practical subjects, such as motor mechanics and cooking. v. 3
Nowadays, the question of whether students should learn academic subjects or vocational ones has been receiving a great deal of public attention. In my opinion, although learning vocational subjects is not without advantages, academic subjects will be far more considered. There are a bunch of reasons why students should study practical subjects. First, since today, pupils tend to support themselves and raise their families as soon as possible, having access to vocational courses is necessary. In fact, by learning practical subjects, students are equipped with practical skills as well as work experience without committing 4 years of college, which helps them make a living as soon as possible. Second, by attending vocational courses, students can become employees working as manual workers. It leads to a balance of the labour market in some developed countries where there is a lack of blue-collar worker such as Canada, Japan, etc. Nevertheless, the advantages of academic subjects such as chemistry, physics, and history will far overshadow the advantages of practical subjects. First, by learning these subjects, students can continue higher education. This means that they gain a wealth of knowledge to do research, which is conducive to human innovations and developments. Second, since most graduates expect to land decent jobs, academic courses are necessary. In fact, these subjects bring to learners fundamental theories to do complex jobs like doctor, teacher, and scientist which required deeper understanding about the nature of subjects, thus making them competitive in the labour market. In conclusion, the demand of academic subjects outweighs than of practical knowledge. By considering all advantages of both courses, students will make the best decision for themselves.
Nowadays,
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
the question of whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
or vocational ones has been receiving a great deal of public attention. In my opinion, although learning vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
is not without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
will be far more considered.

There are a bunch of reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
First
, since
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, pupils tend to support themselves and raise their families as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible, having access to vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
is necessary. In fact, by learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are equipped
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
as well
as work experience without committing 4 years of college, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a living as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible. Second, by attending vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can become employees working as manual workers. It leads to a balance of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
market in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
where there is a lack of blue-collar worker such as Canada, Japan, etc.

Nevertheless
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
such as chemistry, physics, and history will far overshadow the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
First
, by learning these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can continue higher education. This means that they gain a wealth of knowledge to do research, which is conducive to human innovations and developments. Second, since most graduates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
to land decent jobs,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
are necessary. In fact, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
bring to learners fundamental theories to do complex jobs like doctor, teacher, and scientist which required deeper understanding about the nature of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
,
thus
making them competitive in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
market.

In conclusion
, the demand of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
outweighs than of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
knowledge. By considering all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the best decision for themselves.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
The limits of my language mean the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Some believe that more academic subjects such as chemistry, physics and history should be taught in schools, while others believe that students will derive more benefit from studying practical subjects, such as motor mechanics and cooking. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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