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Some believe that modern technology is increasing the gap between rich and poor people while others disagree Discuss both views and give your own opinion v.2

Some believe that modern technology is increasing the gap between rich and poor people while others disagree 2
Human lifestyle is pampered in the lap of technology. Presently, the ever widening gap between affluent and destitute segments of society has been a burning issue. Some people reckon that technology is the biggest reason behind this situation. By contrast, other have conflicting views. Here, I would like to account for both sides with my own perception. There are manifold points to endorse the former view. First and foremost, a remarkable difference could be seen between the lifestyles of rich and poor class of people owing to technology. To demonstrate, homes of rich people are flooded with luxury facilities and technical gadgets such as air conditioners, home theatre, washing machines and other expensive equipments. In contrary, poor people are unable to afford such luxurious comforts in the era of inflation. Even, they struggle for two square meal for their family. Consequently, it is quite evident that the difference in terms of wealthy lifestyle is created by technology. What is more, the existence of machines in the working sectors is replacing thousand of labourers who belong to poor families. Thus, employing the use of technology boosts the profit of businessman who are already rich but the third class people are becoming even more poorer due to unemployment. On the contrary, others have conflicting views. They think that unlike technology, the gap between high and low class people is emerged by illiteracy, unemployment and overpopulation. Taking a real life example of my country India, a massive number of people belong to down trodden families and they do not have money to afford expensive education. Apart from it, the number of job seekers is exceeding to the number of job vacancies due to population explosion. Hence, over population, illiteracy and unemployment are the prime factors causing a gigantic gap between haves and have-nots. From my notion, both sides have their own significance. Undeniably, aristocratic lifestyle blessed by technology makes rich people owner of every comfort whereas poor are striving for their survival. However, unemployment, population explosion and and illiteracy still seem the robust factors behind this happening. To recapitulate, the rising wealth gap between the rich and poor is one of the most worrying concern. Therefore, it is mandatory for the modern governments to take some effective remedial measure to restrain this menace.
Human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
is pampered
in the lap of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
Presently
, the ever widening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
between affluent and destitute segments of society has been a burning issue.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
reckon that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is the biggest reason behind this situation. By contrast, other have conflicting views. Here, I would like to account for both sides with my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perception.

There are manifold points to endorse the former view.
First
and foremost, a remarkable difference could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyles
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
owing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. To demonstrate, homes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are flooded
with luxury facilities and technical gadgets such as air conditioners, home
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
, washing machines and other expensive equipments. In contrary,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are unable to afford such luxurious comforts in the era of inflation. Even, they struggle for two square meal for their family.
Consequently
, it is quite evident that the difference in terms of wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
is created
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
What is more
, the existence of machines in the working sectors is replacing
Use "a thousand" or use a number before 'thousand'.
thousand
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
labourers
who belong to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
families.
Thus
, employing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
boosts the profit of businessman who are already
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the third
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming even
Use only "poorer" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more poorer
due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
.
On the contrary
, others have conflicting views.

They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that unlike
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
between high and low
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
emerged by illiteracy,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
and overpopulation. Taking a real life example of my country India, a massive number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
belong to down trodden
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
families and
they do not have money to afford expensive education. Apart from it, the number of job seekers is exceeding to the number of job vacancies due to population explosion.
Hence
, over population, illiteracy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
are the prime factors causing a gigantic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
between haves and
Possible spelling mistake found.
have-nots
.

From my notion, both sides have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
significance.
Undeniably
, aristocratic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
blessed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
owner of every comfort whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
are striving for their survival.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
, population explosion
Possible typo: you repeated a word
and and
illiteracy
still
seem the robust factors behind this happening.

To recapitulate, the rising wealth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gap
between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
is one of the most worrying concern.
Therefore
, it is mandatory for the modern
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
to take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
effective remedial measure to restrain this menace.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some believe that modern technology is increasing the gap between rich and poor people while others disagree 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
380 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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