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Some believe that modern technology is increasing the gap between rich and poor people, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion v.2

Some believe that modern technology is increasing the gap between rich and poor people, while others disagree. 2
Technology is getting more attractive nowadays, while only some people can use it. Other people can not afford technology devices, so these people who do not buy high-tech devices have not any idea about the benefits of them, their life is hard as much as before. This essay will discuss both aspects, and ın my view is unfortunately poor people have learned and discussed less others. Doubtless, technology has developed dramatically. Every day, the new technological devices have appeared, however, their sales are limited because of the people who suffer from poorness can not buy them. Only rich people can catch new things. They use technological things in order to ease their life. For example, a high performance computer is faster than cheaper one, we can use it non-stop and we can create more time after finished our job at the computer. It is a rather basic, simple, but if you have more time, you spend it your loved and life quality is getting higher. Also, in this time, the rich people can joy and spending time hobbies. On the other hand, the poor one struggle something without last technology. Manuel is working, semi-automatic machines or old broken machines do not work efficiently. Thus, she or he escape own life, so many working hours and over stressed would ruin them. They do not have enough time doing anything. That is to say, they have not known a new technology gadget, even if use it. They have never purchase rich one's own and life qualities would be very different due to can afford only basic things, also their cultural and intellectual development is restricted. In conclusion, I restate that the poor people cannot afford technological devices, while some people can buy at the first sales day. It becomes a gap the people who have different the rates of income.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
is getting more attractive nowadays, while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it. Other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can not afford
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
high-tech
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
have not any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about the benefits of them, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
as much as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. This essay will discuss both aspects, and
Possible spelling mistake found.
ın
my view is unfortunately poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have learned and discussed
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun others is countable.
less
others.

Doubtless,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
has developed
dramatically
. Every day, the new technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
have appeared,
however
, their sales
are limited
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who suffer from poorness can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can catch new things. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
technological things in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For example
, a high performance computer is faster than cheaper one, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it non-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
and we can create more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
after finished our job at the computer. It is a
rather
basic, simple,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if you have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, you spend it your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
quality is getting higher.
Also
, in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, the rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can joy and spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
hobbies.

On the other hand
, the poor one struggle something without last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. Manuel is working, semi-automatic machines or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
broken machines do not work
efficiently
.
Thus
, she or he
The pronoun 'he' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "escapes", "escaped".
escape
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
working hours and over
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
would ruin them. They do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
doing anything.
That is
to say, they have not known a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
gadget, even if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it. They have never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
rich one's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
qualities would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
due to can afford
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
basic things,
also
their cultural and intellectual development
is restricted
.

In conclusion
, I restate that the poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot afford technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
at the
first
sales day. It becomes a gap the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
the rates of income.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay Some believe that modern technology is increasing the gap between rich and poor people, while others disagree. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
308 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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