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Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation has more advantages or more disadvantages? v.21

Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation has more advantages or more disadvantages? v. 21
Working overtime is becoming a lifestyle for many workers nowadays, causing them to have a limited or even no time to pursue their personal interests. While there are some benefits, such as the ability to gain an extra income and fasten one’s career progression; the drawbacks, namely an increase in depression level and unhealthy lifestyle, are draconian. Some workers find it beneficial for them to work longer hours than ever before. One of the main factors is related to finance. As we may be aware, some people have been struggling to cope with the increased cost of their daily expenses, and therefore, working an extra hour seems to be a viable solution for them to earn more income in order to support their lives. This phenomenon can be seen in many developing countries in Asia, where the rate of working overtime is rising. In addition, some employees, especially in the lower-level rank, tend to sacrifice their leisure hours to work instead in order to climb their career prospects faster than usual. These people wish by over-performing others, they will have more chance to move into the next level in their career path. This method has been proven to work effectively in Japan, where staff, who usually stay longer in the office to work will receive a higher performance rating during the appraisal period. Sacrificing our personal lives to work longer hours is not without its shortcomings, however. Some people may neglect their lives without realizing what more important for them is to have a work-life balance. Many employees are suffering from acute depression as they are either required by the company or it is their own decision to work overtime. Recent research conducted by the University of Cambridge, for example, has revealed that 80% of young executives suffer from mental illness problems due to the heavy load and stress caused by work. Furthermore, this trend has led many workers to live a sedentary lifestyle, which can be detrimental to their overall well-being. A prime example can be seen by the growing number of employees, who have to combat the overweight issue as they are getting busier with working than exercising. In conclusion, there are pros and cons to people leaving their free time working over the required hours. While there are some benefits that can be obtained from this trend, such as gaining extra money and progressing faster in the career, the drawbacks, which detriment one’s physical and mental health, far outweigh the advantages. Therefore, it should be avoided and prevented by all of the workers.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Working
overtime is becoming a lifestyle for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
nowadays, causing them to have a limited or even no time to pursue their personal interests. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits, such as the ability to gain an extra income and fasten one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
progression; the drawbacks,
namely
an increase in depression level and unhealthy lifestyle, are
Possible incorrect capitalization. Some adjectives that are derived from proper nouns can have both an initial capital letter and an initial lower case letter. If there is a close association with the proper noun, use "Draconian".
draconian
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
find it beneficial for them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. One of the main factors
is related
to finance. As we may be aware,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have been struggling to cope with the increased cost of their daily expenses, and
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
an extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hour
seems to be a viable solution for them to earn more income in order to support their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. This phenomenon can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
in Asia, where the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
overtime is rising.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
employees,
especially
in the lower-level rank, tend to sacrifice their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
instead
in order to climb their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
prospects faster than usual. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
wish by over-performing others, they will have more chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
into the
next
level in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
path. This method has
been proven
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
effectively
in Japan, where staff, who
usually
stay longer in the office to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
will receive a higher performance rating during the appraisal period.

Sacrificing our personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
is not without its shortcomings,
however
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may neglect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
without realizing what more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for them is to have a work-life balance.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
employees are suffering from acute depression as they are either required by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
or it is their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decision to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
overtime. Recent research conducted by the University of Cambridge,
for example
, has revealed that 80% of young executives suffer from mental illness problems due to the heavy load and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
caused by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Furthermore
, this trend has led
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
a sedentary lifestyle, which can be detrimental to their
overall
well-being. A prime example can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
by the growing number of employees, who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
combat the overweight issue as they are getting busier with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
than exercising.

In conclusion
, there are pros and cons to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
leaving their free time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
over the required
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits that can
be obtained
from this trend, such as gaining extra money and progressing faster in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
, the drawbacks, which detriment one’s physical and mental health, far outweigh the advantages.
Therefore
, it should
be avoided
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
by
Consider using "all the".
all of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay Many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation has more advantages or more disadvantages? v. 21

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
426 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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