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In many countries the level of crime is increasing and crimes are becoming more violent. Why do you think this is and what can be done about it? v.1

In many countries the level of crime is increasing and crimes are becoming more violent. Why do you think this is and what can be done about it? v. 1
It has been one of the most controversial topic, that the rate of crime increased drastically in many countries. it is gradually violent in nature also. In this essay, I will illustrate the possible reasons behind it and how it can be eradicated. Few of the reasons behind increased crime are lack of education, financial challenge, social surrounding and use of excess social media and internet. Firstly, people with less education became a criminal in many cases. Poor families where parents are thinking kids as money making machine from very young age, don’t send them to school. These kids later choose path of crime due to less knowledge of doing right or wrong. Secondly, deficiency of money lead people to do crime. such as people in slum area, who fight for food and shelter for each day, can choose crime for money. Thirdly, friends and family of a criminal follow the same path, like brother of a criminal can’t escape to do crime. Finally, use of excessive social media and technology enhance the crime to be more violent, as communication between the criminals is a cat walk due to whatsup, facebook. The solutions to this trend are combine effort of government and society. Government should take steps like children education is mandatory in country irrespective financial situation. Government should provide allowances to families in below average income for child care. For example countries like Canada provide monthly $1000 per kid to parents having below $35000 annual income. Everybody in society should stay alert to protect the society. In the conclusion, lack of money, education, social support, and affluent use of social media and internet might be the reasons of gradual increase in crime. It can be controlled by Government and each individual with some discipline.
It has been one of the most controversial
Please check whether a plural form of 'topic' should be used.
topic
, that the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
increased
drastically
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
is
gradually
violent in nature
also
. In this essay, I will illustrate the possible reasons behind it and how it can
be eradicated
.

Few of the reasons behind increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
are lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, financial challenge,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
surrounding and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of excess
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media and internet.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
became a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cases. Poor families where parents are thinking kids as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
making machine from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age, don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
them to school. These kids later choose path of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
due to less knowledge of doing right or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
.
Secondly
, deficiency of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
lead
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
such
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in slum area, who fight for food and shelter for each day, can choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Thirdly
, friends and family of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
follow the same path, like brother of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
can’t escape to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
Finally
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media and technology enhance the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
to be more violent, as communication between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
is a cat walk due to
Possible spelling mistake found.
whatsup
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
facebook
.

The solutions to this trend are combine effort of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and society.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should take steps like children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is mandatory in country irrespective financial situation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should provide allowances to families in below average income for child care.
For example
countries like Canada provide monthly $1000 per kid to parents having below $35000 annual income. Everybody in society should stay alert to protect the society.

In the conclusion, lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
support, and affluent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media and internet might be the reasons of gradual increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. It can
be controlled
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
and each individual with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
discipline.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries the level of crime is increasing and crimes are becoming more violent. Why do you think this is and what can be done about it? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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