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Some believe that dangerous sports should be banned, while others think that people should be free to choose. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some believe that dangerous sports should be banned, while others think that people should be free to choose. v. 1
Dangerous sports such as bullfighting, car racing, and paragliding have become commonplace in many countries. Some people opine that these activities ought to be prohibited while others oppose this notion and I strongly believe in the latter point of view. Both perspectives along with their reasons will be discussed in the following lines. Many menacing activities include taking risks that could lead to injuries and even death in athletes and spectators. Formula One car race is one of these activities that have resulted in horrible accidents in contestants and spectators. Some professionals think that stakeholders ought to issue measures and laws that inhibit these dangerous sports. Moreover, these games are a threat to many youngsters who watch them and may practise in the future. On the contrary, others believe that the government should not compromise adventurers’ freedom. Although adventurous sports have many risks in practising them, they can curb the desire for thrill and adventure in many young players. Whilst American football which is a considered a safe game, it resulted in more injuries and deaths than paragliding. In other words, taking safety measures such as deploying a reinforced wall in front of spectators in car racing may be a solution for many risks. Added to that, the government should impose precautions that may prohibit accidents. In conclusion, both views have merits and negative ramifications but I perceive the notion that banning adventurous games is not the solution because taking safety measures is a more logical and considerable resolution. This means that prohibition is not a real solution because if young generations have the ambition to be contestants in these games, they will break the law to do that.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Dangerous
sports such as bullfighting, car racing, and paragliding have become commonplace in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that these activities ought to
be prohibited
while others oppose this notion and I
strongly
believe in the latter point of view. Both perspectives along with their reasons will
be discussed
in the following lines.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
menacing activities include taking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
that could lead to injuries and even death in athletes and spectators. Formula One car race is one of these activities that have resulted in horrible accidents in contestants and spectators.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
professionals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that stakeholders ought to issue measures and laws that inhibit these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
sports.
Moreover
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are a threat to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
them and may
Possible spelling mistake. 'practise' is British English.
practise
in the future.

On the contrary
, others believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should not compromise adventurers’ freedom. Although adventurous sports have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'practising' is British English.
practising
them, they can curb the desire for thrill and adventure in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young players. Whilst American football which is a considered a safe game, it resulted in more injuries and deaths than paragliding.
In other words
, taking safety measures such as deploying a reinforced wall in front of spectators in car racing may be a solution for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Added
to that, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should impose precautions that may prohibit accidents.

In conclusion
, both views have merits and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
ramifications
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I perceive the notion that banning adventurous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is not the solution
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
taking safety measures is a more logical and considerable resolution. This means that prohibition is not a real solution
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if young generations have the ambition to be contestants in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, they will break the law to do that.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Some believe that dangerous sports should be banned, while others think that people should be free to choose. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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