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Some students work while studying. This often results in lacking time for education and constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v.2

Some students work while studying. This often results in lacking time for education and constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 2
Some scholars have to make money when obtaining a degree that has several consequences: students do not have enough time for studying and feel stressful. In this essay I am going to describe the main causes of this problem and possible solutions. There are two main following causes: some students do not have needed funds for studying and they want to develop practical skills. As long as some gifted people could come from poor families, they will try to earn money to pay for the education they desire to achieve. For example, in the history of humanity, there are some celebrities who came from a poor background and achieved prosperity by working while studying as it was with Milla Jovovich. Another reason why people want to work is related to the necessity of special qualities for future occupation. Therefore, working as an assistant near experts can help to develop the important features in future employees. For instance, some universities employ medical students in some scientific projects which help followers to apply theory in practice. To solve this problem could be proposed two specific recommendations. The first solution to this problem is part-time employment that occupies a little time of the student so that their can fill they spare time by studying. The second solution is online types of works which definitely will save precious time of the learners as well as their money. In conclusion, lack of money and practical skills push students to work during studying. However, it is possible to minimize the negative effects of this problem by giving them part-time or online kinds of jobs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
scholars
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money when obtaining a degree that has several consequences:
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
and feel stressful. In this essay I am going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
the main causes of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
and possible solutions.

There are two main following causes:
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do not have needed funds for
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
studying and
they want to develop practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. As long as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
gifted
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from poor families, they will try to earn money to pay for the education they desire to achieve.
For example
, in the history of humanity, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
celebrities who came from a poor background and achieved prosperity by working while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
as it was with
Possible spelling mistake found.
Milla
Possible spelling mistake found.
Jovovich
. Another reason why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want to work
is related
to the necessity of special qualities for future occupation.
Therefore
, working as an assistant near experts can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to develop the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
features in future employees.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
universities employ medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
scientific projects which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
followers to apply theory in practice.

To solve this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
could
be proposed
two specific recommendations. The
first
solution to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is part-time employment that occupies a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that their can fill they spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
. The second solution is online types of works which definitely will save precious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of the learners
as well
as their money.

In conclusion
, lack of money and practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
push
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to work during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
.
However
, it is possible to minimize the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
by giving them part-time or online kinds of jobs.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some students work while studying. This often results in lacking time for education and constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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