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Nowa days celebrities earn more money than politicians. What are the reasons for this? It is a positive or negative development. v.1

Nowa days celebrities earn more money than politicians. What are the reasons for this? It is a positive or negative development. v. 1
One of the most conspicuous trends of today's world is to consider entertainment as an important factor to ease our hectic lifestyle. People try to entertain themselves through various ways such as watching movies, T. V series, or even following some sports. There is a widespread worry that this would lead to a myriad of concerns to other professions as demand for T. V stars, sports person would increase and help them earn more wealth. In my opinion, this apprehension is warranted and merits serious consideration. There are a number of arguments in favour of my stance. The most preponderant one is running a full fledge country with approximately 1. 37 billion people in it is not an easy task, so comparing an amount of payment and appreciation an actor receives for his performance in a movie our country's politicians are entitled to receive more wage and appreciation for their performance as it is for the betterment of our nation. Not only can politician's increased wages boost their enthusiasm to do good for the country and its citizens, but they can also focus more on the treaties that can help in the development of our country rather focusing on filling their own pockets whereas celebrities are merely those who are interested in their progress and profit. Needless to say, all these positive features of considering politicians more important than celebrities will stand our country in good stead when it comes to its development. Another pivotal aspect of this argument is that while choosing a leader to represent our country it is necessary to be well qualified to fit into that particular category, while film stars are given a chance on the basis of their looks and acting skills rather taking into account their educational background. Besides, Prime Minister of any country need to be completely confident about his decisions because it can affect the whole world, whereas an actors one film would not make any difference to the whole wide world expect his career. Hence, it is apparent why many are against celebrities earning more money than a politician. In view of the argument outlined above, one can conclude that the positive development of celebrities earning more are indeed too dire to ignore.
One of the most conspicuous trends of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world is to consider entertainment as an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factor to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
our hectic lifestyle.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
try to entertain themselves through various ways such as watching movies, T. V series, or even following
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sports. There is a widespread worry that this would lead to a myriad of concerns to other professions as demand for T. V stars, sports person would increase and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them earn more wealth. In my opinion, this apprehension
is warranted
and merits serious consideration.

There are a number of arguments in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of my stance. The most preponderant one is running a full
Possible spelling mistake found.
fledge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
with approximately 1. 37 billion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in it is not an easy task,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
comparing an amount of payment and appreciation an actor receives for his performance in a movie our country's politicians
are entitled
to receive more wage and appreciation for their performance as it is for the betterment of our nation. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can
Consider using the plural form here: "politicians".
politician's
increased wages boost their enthusiasm to do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and its citizens,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they can
also
focus more on the treaties that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in the development of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
rather
focusing on filling their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
pockets whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
are
merely
those who
are interested
in their progress and profit. Needless to say, all these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
features of considering politicians more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
will stand our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
stead when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to its development.

Another pivotal aspect of this argument is that while choosing a leader to represent our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
it is necessary to be well qualified to fit into that particular category, while film stars are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a chance on the basis of their looks and acting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
rather
taking into account their educational background.
Besides
, Prime Minister of any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
need to be completely confident about his decisions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can affect the whole world, whereas an actors one film would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
any difference to the whole wide world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
his career.
Hence
, it is apparent why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
are against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
earning more money than a politician.

In view of the argument outlined above, one can conclude that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
earning more are
indeed
too dire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
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IELTS essay Nowa days celebrities earn more money than politicians. What are the reasons for this? It is a positive or negative development. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
373 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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