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some people believe that studying at university or college is the best rout to a successful career, while other believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

some people believe that studying at university or college is the best rout to a successful career, while other believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. v. 1
One of the most controversial issues today relates to whether or not studying at university after school. Some people think that passing academic lessons will help students to become a useful person in the future while others believe that there are some benefits to getting a job straight after school. In this essay, I am going to examine this question from both points of view, and provide my support for the former view. On the one side of the argument there are people who argue that the boons of start work straight after school considerably outweigh its drawbacks. The main reason for believing this is that individuals become independent earlier because of start earning money. Moreover when they find an occupation, they will gain more experience in comparison with their peers who commence to work later. People often have this opinion because learning skills can lead them to getting promotions, so that they can settle down earlier such as afford a house or form a family. On the other hand, it is also possible to make the opposing case. I believe that it is more beneficial for students to continue their studies. Firstly, some jobs require academic qualifications and there is no way to achieve this aim instead of studying at university. Secondly, there are better job opportunities for alumni and because of their certificates they can earn higher salaries. These days the job market has become very competitive and if people do not gain sufficient knowledge they will lose the opportunities. In my opinion, to become a useful person for society, it is crucial to take academic lessons at universities. By way of conclusion, there are convincing arguments both for and against go to college or work after school, albeit I believe that adolescents are more likely to be successful in their lives if they continue their study beyond school level.
One of the most controversial issues
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
relates to whether or not studying at university after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that passing academic lessons will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
students to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a useful person in the future while others believe that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits to getting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
straight after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. In this essay, I am going to examine this question from both points of view, and provide my support for the former view.

On the one side of the argument there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who argue that the boons of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
work straight after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
considerably
outweigh its drawbacks. The main reason for believing this is that individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
independent earlier
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
earning money.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
when they find an occupation, they will gain more experience
in comparison
with their peers who commence to work later.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
have this opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
learning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
can lead them to getting promotions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can settle down earlier such as afford a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
or form a family.

On the other hand
, it is
also
possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the opposing case. I believe that it is more beneficial for students to continue their studies.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
require academic qualifications and there is no way to achieve this aim
instead
of studying at university.
Secondly
, there are better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities for alumni and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their certificates they can earn higher salaries. These days the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
competitive and if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not gain sufficient knowledge they will lose the opportunities. In my opinion, to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a useful person for society, it is crucial to take academic lessons at universities.

By way of conclusion, there are convincing arguments both for and against go to college or work after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, albeit I believe that adolescents are more likely to be successful in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
if they continue their study beyond
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
level.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay some people believe that studying at university or college is the best rout to a successful career, while other believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
312 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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