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Some argue younger people are not suitable for important positions in the government, while others think this is a good idea. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some argue younger people are not suitable for important positions in the government, while others think this is a good idea. v. 1
A considerable number of people assert that young people shouldn’t hold leading positions in our countries. Others, myself included, are, on the other hand, opponents of the aforementioned view, claiming that youth represent a better fit for leading governments. As far as I am concerned, the underlying advantages and disadvantages inherent to the brought forth prompt must be pondered upon prior to reaching a firm conclusion. On the one hand, there may be certain disadvantages associated with youth working in high ranked government jobs. For one thing, many young employees lack experience, owing to the fact that they were not given the adequate time necessary to gain and collect essential knowledge and experiences. As a result, they might not be able to handle situations which an older more experienced counterpart can manage with total ease. Furthermore, the youth tend to be more reckless, because they are inherently more inclined to take risks without looking back or rethinking their decisions, which might lead to fatal, and yet possibly avoidable mistakes. Hence, they might put our governments and subsequently our countries’ welfare at risk. On the other hand, just as young people have flaws, they have merits glare as well. In my observation, a lot of youth have a new insight and a fresh perspective to the world. In other words, their minds are loaded with innovative ideas, which consequently leads to a superior ability to tackle many of the problems our government face nowadays, thanks to their capability of thinking outside the box and providing smart solutions to problems that their progenitor had a hard time solving. Equally importantly, though, young people have qualities that a great deal of older people seem to lack. They are, for instance, physically and mentally more fit, and are more flexible, all of which are characteristics that not only enables them to be faster learners and more energetic but also offer better work performance for longer working hours and under the stressful work pressure important positions often come with. All in all, I am of view that the youth should be given the chance to hold leading positions in our countries. I take this view on account in a fit of the fact that despite some disadvantages raised, the merits galore inherent to young people in higher government positions far outweigh the aforementioned flaws.
A considerable number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
assert that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
shouldn’t hold leading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
in our countries. Others, myself included, are, on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, opponents of the aforementioned view, claiming that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
represent a better fit for leading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
. As far as I
am concerned
, the underlying advantages and disadvantages inherent to the brought forth prompt
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be pondered
upon prior to reaching a firm conclusion.

On the one hand, there may be certain disadvantages associated with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
working in high ranked
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
jobs. For one thing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
employees lack experience, owing to the fact that they were not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the adequate time necessary to gain and collect essential knowledge and experiences.
As a result
, they might not be able to handle situations which an older more experienced counterpart can manage with total
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
tend to be more reckless,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
inherently
more inclined to take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
without looking back or rethinking their decisions, which might lead to fatal, and
yet
possibly
avoidable mistakes.
Hence
, they might put our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
and
subsequently
our countries’ welfare at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have flaws, they have merits glare
as well
. In my observation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
have a new insight and a fresh perspective to the world. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, their minds
are loaded
with innovative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
, which
consequently
leads to a superior ability to tackle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the problems our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
face nowadays, thanks to their capability of thinking outside the box and providing smart solutions to problems that their progenitor had a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
time solving.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Equally
importantly
, though,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have qualities that a great deal of older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
seem to lack. They are,
for instance
,
physically
and mentally more fit, and are more flexible, all of which are characteristics that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
enables them to be faster learners and more energetic
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
offer better work performance for longer working hours and under the stressful work pressure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
with.

All in all, I am of view that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
youth
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the chance to hold leading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
in our countries. I take this view on account in a fit of the fact that despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages raised, the merits galore inherent to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
far outweigh the aforementioned flaws.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
The conquest of learning is achieved through the knowledge of languages.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Some argue younger people are not suitable for important positions in the government, while others think this is a good idea. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
389 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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