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Some argue younger people are not suitable for important positions in the government, while others think this is a good idea. v.3

Some argue younger people are not suitable for important positions in the government, while others think this is a good idea. v. 3
Government jobs at key positions are very critical and require serious responsibilities. Decision making done through important positions creates a long-term impact on the growth of the country in different sectors. Many people believe that critical offices in government should only be awarded to more experienced bureaucrats, while others believe that one should benefit from the creative and thriving skills of the young generation. This essay will look at both sides before drawing a conclusion. One the one hand, many argue that influential positions in government should only be given to older and experienced candidates. They say that experience give them necessary skill set which is vital in their decision-making skills. For instance, in the case of militancy in the country, a General would be more effective in mitigating the situation as compared to a lieutenant who has recently graduated. Moreover, they believe that young people, due to lack of field experience are unable to manage large teams and are unaware of government operations, procedures and regulations. Their induction in key positions can have catastrophic effects on the growth of the country. However, there are several plausible counters in favour of this argument. Young generation brings creativity and innovation in their work, which is vital for prosperity in the modern era. Their enthusiasm and dedication are nonpareil with older people. For instance, young government health workers successfully raised the awareness of polio vaccines in the country. Their efforts are evident from the charts where the number of polio cases registered every quarter is decreasing. Often government jobs require rigorous screening based on different criteria and if the youth is successful in passing out those that there is no harm in awarding important government jobs to young aspirants. Although the above arguments provide firm evidence for both sides of the argument, it is felt that healthiest approach in offering key government jobs is to ensure they follow rigorous training programs.   Thus, a person's age should not be a discriminating factor in awarding government jobs.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
at key
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
critical and require serious responsibilities.
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
Decision making
done through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
creates a long-term impact on the growth of the country in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sectors.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that critical offices in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be awarded
to more experienced bureaucrats, while others believe that one should benefit from the creative and thriving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation. This essay will look at both sides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
drawing a conclusion.

Did you mean "on"?
One
the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
argue that influential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to older and experienced candidates. They say that experience give them necessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
set which is vital in their decision-making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For instance
, in the case of militancy in the country, a General would be more effective in mitigating the situation as compared to a lieutenant who has recently graduated.
Moreover
, they believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, due to lack of field experience are unable to manage large teams and are unaware of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
operations, procedures and regulations. Their induction in key
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
can have catastrophic effects on the growth of the country.

However
, there are several plausible counters in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of this argument.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
generation brings creativity and innovation in their work, which is vital for prosperity in the modern era. Their enthusiasm and dedication are nonpareil with older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
health workers
successfully
raised the awareness of polio vaccines in the country. Their efforts are evident from the charts where the number of polio cases registered every quarter is decreasing.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
require rigorous screening based on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
criteria and if the youth is successful in passing out those that there is no harm in awarding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
aspirants.

Although the above arguments provide firm evidence for both sides of the argument, it
is felt
that healthiest approach in offering key
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
is to ensure they follow rigorous training programs.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
Thus
, a person's age should not be a discriminating factor in awarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Some argue younger people are not suitable for important positions in the government, while others think this is a good idea. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
334 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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