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Violence in the media promotes violent activities? To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Violence in the media promotes violent activities? v. 1
It is important to consider how violence influences people, and what its root causes are? While some people contend that one of the major reason of violence is media, other deem that it is trifial. I tend to partially agree with the statement, and in this essay, I will support my views with examples. To begin, medias may promote violence in the community, for it often engenders violent content, and this may subconsiously inflict individuals. This is because people may imitate dreadful behaviors learnt through medias; also, they might copy the know-how of crimes. For example, a person, who goes through violent contents regularly, is likable to commite misdeeds than one who doesnot. However, if medias do not bombard violent news, people will not be pschologically craved to involve in one. This happens because people may not be aware about crime unless medias promote violent conducts. Nonetheless, medias are not the only one to blame. To clarity, it may have something to do with the upbringing; for example, a person, who is exposed to the hard-up childhood, is likely to involve in the criminal intent. In addition, some may have an innate violent nature. For instance, some notorious leaders like hitler, as said by some scholars, had inborn mental defects, so they were violent. Besides that, medias also promote benefitial programs, therefore, we should not always blame medias for chronic crimial conducts. In conclusion, although medias promote violence, for it influences people subconsiously and they may imitate harmful activities, we must take into consideration the upbringings and innate character. Thus, I partially agree with the arguments.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to consider how
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violence
influences
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people
, and what its root causes are? While
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some
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people
contend that one of the major reason of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, other deem that it is
Possible spelling mistake found.
trifial
. I tend to
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement, and in this essay, I will support my views with examples.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medias
may
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promote
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violence
in the community, for it
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often
engenders
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violent
content, and this may
Possible spelling mistake found.
subconsiously
inflict individuals. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
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people
may imitate dreadful behaviors
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
through
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medias
;
also
, they might copy the know-how of crimes.
For example
, a person, who goes through
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violent
contents
regularly
, is likable to
Possible spelling mistake found.
commite
misdeeds than one who
Possible spelling mistake found.
doesnot
.
However
, if
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medias
do not bombard
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violent
news,
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people
will not be
Possible spelling mistake found.
pschologically
craved to involve in one. This happens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may not be aware about crime unless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medias
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
conducts.

Nonetheless,
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medias
are not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one to blame. To clarity, it may have something to do with the upbringing;
for example
, a person, who
is exposed
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-up childhood, is likely to involve in the criminal intent.
In addition
,
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some
may have an innate
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violent
nature.
For instance
,
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some
notorious leaders like
Possible spelling mistake found.
hitler
, as said by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
scholars, had inborn mental defects,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
.
Besides
that,
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medias
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
promote
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefitial
programs,
therefore
, we should not always blame
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medias
for chronic
Possible spelling mistake found.
crimial
conducts.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medias
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
, for it influences
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
subconsiously and
they may imitate harmful activities, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take into consideration the upbringings and innate character.
Thus
, I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the arguments.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Violence in the media promotes violent activities? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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