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Some people think younger people are not suitable for important positions in the government. Some think it will be a good idea for younger people to take on this positions. Disuss both views and give your opinion? v.1

Some people think younger people are not suitable for important positions in the government. Some think it will be a good idea for younger people to take on this positions. Disuss both views and give your opinion? v. 1
When selecting people for vital positions in the states, opinions are divided. While there are some people opined that the younger generation is ready to take over the managing position in the government, I would argue that this group of people need more time to accumulate experiences. There is personal opinion, which supports young generation to work in the state's critical positions due to several criteria. Firstly, young politician's creativity can contribute effective solutions for the nation. Because there are numerous of considerable issues which have not been solved. Younger people can utilize their creativity to add new solutions which can be effective and sustainable. Secondly, they have the energy and determination while doing their governmental tasks. For example, when a contagious disease outbreak from a neighbour country, younger politicians can immediately take actions to prevent the viruses from spreading. Despite the aforementioned merits, I believe that older people is more most suitable for these positions due to several reasons. The most profound reason is that young ones often lack of work experience. In details, it is a fact that a leader should have the most experience to make the optimal decision. Therefore, the inexperience of a young leader can make the wrong decisions or enact a suitable policy, which will generate unexpected dilemma for that particular society. Additionally, the lack of connection with influential people can also a disadvantage. For example, when a law was enacted and the politicians need support from major corporations to follow as a role model, the seasoned workers will be more eligible without a doubt. In conclusion, although younger people are capable to work in key positions in the government system due to their creativity and determination, I persist that it is not sufficient when this particular job requires experience and also connections with firms.
When selecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
in the states, opinions
are divided
. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
opined that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
generation is ready to take over the managing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
position
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, I would argue that this group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need more time to accumulate experiences.

There is personal opinion, which supports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation to work in the state's critical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
due to several criteria.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
politician's creativity can contribute effective solutions for the nation.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
there are numerous of considerable issues which have not
been solved
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can utilize their creativity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
new solutions which can be effective and sustainable.
Secondly
, they have the energy and determination while doing their governmental tasks.
For example
, when a contagious disease outbreak from a
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbour' is British English.
neighbour
country,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
politicians can immediately take actions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the viruses from spreading.

Despite the aforementioned merits, I believe that older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
Use only "most" (without 'more') when you use the superlative.
more most
suitable for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
due to several reasons. The most profound reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
ones
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
lack of work experience. In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, it is a fact that a leader should have the most experience to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the optimal decision.
Therefore
, the inexperience of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
leader can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
decisions or enact a suitable policy, which will generate unexpected dilemma for that particular society.
Additionally
, the lack of connection with influential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
also
a disadvantage.
For example
, when a law
was enacted
and the politicians need support from major corporations to follow as a role model, the seasoned workers will be more eligible without a doubt.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are capable to work in key
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positions
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
system due to their creativity and determination, I persist that it is not sufficient when this particular job requires experience and
also
connections with firms.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think younger people are not suitable for important positions in the government. Some think it will be a good idea for younger people to take on this positions. Disuss both views and give your opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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