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Some argue that film and television are a waste of time, because they do not have a direct connection with people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some argue that film and television are a waste of time, because they do not have a direct connection with people’s lives. v. 2
With the advancement in technology and entertainment industry, television and movies have become an inevitable part of our lives. The film and television industry are perceived to be unrealistic and far from reality having no direct connection with our daily lives. Though, some people believe that watching films and televisions is a wasteful and unproductive habit, I strongly believe that they are a great source of enhancing our knowledge and play a pivotal role in shaping our opinion on worldly affairs. Several individuals have an opinion that movies and television shows depict unusual and flamboyant appearances which attract young minds. Children become addicted to watching films and follow the characters shown in movies religiously. Moreover, the news and media exhibit false and biased information about the people’s lives thus negatively influencing the minds of individuals To elucidate, movies based on superhero characters like batman and superman take children into a fantasy world which is far from reality. Despite of the few drawbacks of films and televisions, the idea that they are useless and unfruitful is completely preposterous. Cinema and televisions help increase the awareness of people about the day to day affairs. Moreover, there are many art movies which increases the consciousness of people about the conditions of poor’s and women in the society. Furthermore, films help in enhancing the knowledge of people about the history and culture of their country. To conclude, I vehemently agree that television and cinema is a productive activity which helps in providing a plethora of information to people which enlarge their understanding and erudition about the current affairs and society
With the advancement in technology and entertainment industry,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
have become an inevitable part of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. The film and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
industry
are perceived
to be unrealistic and far from reality having no direct connection with our daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Though,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that watching films and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
televisions
is a wasteful and unproductive habit, I
strongly
believe that they are a great source of enhancing our knowledge and play a pivotal role in shaping our opinion on worldly affairs.

Several individuals have an opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
depict unusual and flamboyant appearances which attract young minds. Children become addicted to watching films and follow the characters shown in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
religiously
.
Moreover
, the news and media exhibit false and biased information about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
thus
negatively
influencing the minds of individuals To elucidate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
based on superhero characters like batman and superman take children into a fantasy world which is far from reality.

Did you mean "Despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
Despite of
the few drawbacks of films and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
televisions
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that they are useless and unfruitful is completely preposterous. Cinema and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
televisions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
increase the awareness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
affairs.
Moreover
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
which increases the consciousness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the conditions of poor’s and women in the society.
Furthermore
, films
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in enhancing the knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the history and culture of their country.

To conclude
, I
vehemently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and cinema is a productive activity which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in providing a plethora of information to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
which enlarge their understanding and erudition about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
affairs and society
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some argue that film and television are a waste of time, because they do not have a direct connection with people’s lives. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
265 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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