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Some universities require students to take classes in many subjects. Other universities require students to specialize in one subject. Which one is better? v.3

Some universities require students to take classes in many subjects. Other universities require students to specialize in one subject. Which one is better? v. 3
I think the issue about what is better to specialise in many subjects or choose the one is a controversial one. Each option has its own advantages and disadvantages. Some people prefer to specialise in one subject and know it very well. However, others prefer to extend their range of interests and specialise in many subjects but not in detail. Bellow I will give reasons to support my position. From the one side, learning something in detail brings many benefits. First of all, people gain more knowledge and experience in this area. So, after graduation, they are well prepared for their further career in this field. Second, they do not spend their precious time on other subjects. This gives them the opportunity to focus on one subject. From the other side, people who specialise in many subjects have more options to choose from. For example, if a person does not make a decision about what he is going to do after graduation it is a very good chance for him to try many fields of study and make the right decision. In addition to this practical benefit, a person has the opportunity to extend his range of interests, his communication skills and have better conceptions of things around. Also, a person has a better chance to choose what he really likes to do and make self-realization. To sum up, I think that every person should have a chance to choose. Does he want to specialise in one subject or he wants to take classes in many subjects?
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the issue about what is better to
Possible spelling mistake. 'specialise' is British English.
specialise
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
the one is a controversial one. Each option has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
advantages and disadvantages.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to
Possible spelling mistake. 'specialise' is British English.
specialise
in one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
and
Did you mean "now"?
know
it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well.
However
, others prefer to extend their range of interests and
Possible spelling mistake. 'specialise' is British English.
specialise
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not in detail. Bellow I will give reasons to support my position.

From the one side, learning something in detail brings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
gain more knowledge and experience in this area.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, after graduation, they are
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well prepared
for their
further
career in this field. Second, they do not spend their precious time on other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
. This gives them the opportunity to focus on one subject.

From the other side,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
Possible spelling mistake. 'specialise' is British English.
specialise
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
have more options to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
from.
For example
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a decision about what he is going to do after graduation it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
chance for him to try
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fields of study and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the right decision.
In addition
to this practical benefit, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
has the opportunity to extend his range of interests, his communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and have better conceptions of things around.
Also
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
has a better chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
what he
really
likes to do and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
self-realization.

To sum up, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
should have a chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
. Does he want to
Possible spelling mistake. 'specialise' is British English.
specialise
in one
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
subject or
he wants to take classes in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
?
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Some universities require students to take classes in many subjects. Other universities require students to specialize in one subject. Which one is better? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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