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Some people like to do only what they already do well. Other people prefer to try new things and take risks. Which one do you prefer? v.3

Some people like to do only what they already do well. Other people prefer to try new things and take risks. Which one do you prefer? v. 3
Since the ancient times, there have been many examples of men who tread a different course of action and come up with great inventions as a result. Broadly speaking, there are two types of people, one, who prefer to take risks and try and build new things, another, who do what they do best and are content with the regular results. I prefer the first type and always aspire to learn and build new things. Although there is substantial risk involved many a time but with the risk taken, you get rewarding returns too. In today's world where there is an ocean of information available at our fingertips, it helps me to keep updated with the changing world. We are exposed to different worlds and cultures and the fresh and bright things happening around the world. This motivates me to feed my hunger to know and learn more. The Internet has also bridged the distance for education and now it’s easy to get tutored by best teachers using the technology. The Technology has also created many opportunities by increasing the awareness in the people. For instance, I was doing well in an Investment bank but was always intrigued by the Payments industry specifically the digital wallet space. I took a risk a year back and changed my career path towards Digital wallet industry. I am learning new things every day and enjoying my work to the fullest. To look at it from a different perspective, without taking the risk, we would not know what is lying beyond. There can be a rainbow of possibilities which might open up only if we take the first step towards it. This doesn’t mean that you would be successful on your first attempt and thus demands consistent pursuit. To supplement this with an example, a friend of mine was stagnant in his career and was unhappy with his monotonous job. With the advice of friends he took risks and ventured into a new business. He realised that he was doing very good and took the business as a full-time career. Thus, according to me trying new things and taking calculated risks is beneficial. To summarise, I believe that we are in this world to create and transform things from its present state. While trying new things sharpens my creativity, it also teaches me qualities like hard work, perseverance, builds my risk appetite and above all keeps my mind active. I recommend promoting the culture of innovation so that we all can reap the rewards of technology development.
Since the ancient times, there have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
examples of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
who tread a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
course of action and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with great inventions
as a result
.
Broadly
speaking, there are two types of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, one, who prefer to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
and
"Try and" is common in colloquial speech, but "try to" is recommended for writing.
try and
build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things, another, who do what they do best and are content with the regular results. I prefer the
first
type and always aspire to learn and build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things. Although there is substantial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
involved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
a time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
taken, you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rewarding returns too.

In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
where there is an ocean of information available at our fingertips, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
updated with the changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. We
are exposed
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worlds
and cultures and the fresh and bright things happening around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
. This motivates me to feed my hunger to know and learn more. The Internet has
also
bridged the distance for education and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
it’s easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
tutored by best teachers using the technology. The Technology has
also
created
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opportunities by increasing the awareness in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
For instance
, I was doing well in an Investment bank
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
was always intrigued by the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "Payments'" or "payment's"?
Payments
industry
specifically
the digital wallet space. I took a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
a year back and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
my career path towards Digital wallet industry. I am learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things every day and enjoying my work to the fullest.

To look at it from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perspective, without taking the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
, we would not know what is lying beyond. There can be a rainbow of possibilities which might open up
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
if we take the
first
step towards it. This doesn’t mean that you would be successful on your
first
attempt and
thus
demands consistent pursuit. To supplement this with an example, a friend of mine was stagnant in his career and was unhappy with his monotonous job. With the advice of friends he took
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
and ventured into a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
business. He
Possible spelling mistake. 'realised' is British English.
realised
that he was doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and took the business as a full-time career.
Thus
, according to me trying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things and taking calculated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risks
is beneficial.

To
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarise' is British English.
summarise
, I believe that we are in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
to create and transform things from its present state. While trying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things sharpens my creativity, it
also
teaches me qualities like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work, perseverance, builds my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
risk
appetite and
above all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
my mind active. I recommend promoting the culture of innovation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that we all can reap the rewards of technology development.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Some people like to do only what they already do well. Other people prefer to try new things and take risks. Which one do you prefer? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
423 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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