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27/10/2017 Some sports are extremely dangerous but many people still like them very much. Why do people take part in dangerous sports? Give some suggestions on how to deal with these dangers. Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples f v.1

27/10/2017 Some sports are extremely dangerous but many people still like them very much. Why do people take part in dangerous sports? Give some suggestions on how to deal with these dangers. Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples f v. 1
There are some sports activities such as base jumping, skydiving and Formula one racing that are popular despite being dangerous for the well-being of those who take part in them. Below some reasons of the popularity and possible solutions to the problematic situation will be given. To begin with, practicing those activities has some benefits. Firstly, doing diving or any other extreme sport appears to be the simplest way to attract public’s attention. In fact, a psychological research conducted in the European Union demonstrates people may become addictive to crowd’s attitude and being prized could be compared to having a drug fix. Secondly, putting life and health in real danger summons very strong emotions on its own. To illustrate, when I did my first jump from an aircraft, I was alert, fascinated and happy simultaneously. This specific feeling motivated and encouraged me to continue doing this sport for many years. In other words, the addiction to strong, positive emotions seems to be a likely root of the issue. However, there are some actions that may alter the conduct of the sports people. Primarily, changing public’s attitude to those who participate in extreme sports from positive to negative may be effective. If skydivers are treated like insane individuals who should seek medical attention, they will lose public support and consequently the pleasure that is brought by it. Losing it may work as an efficient deterrent. Furthermore, increasing safety standards could decrease the risk of injuries dramatically. For an example, prohibiting skydiving in inclement weather and forcing sportsmen to use a protective gear could annihilate many threats. So, discouraging athletes from practicing some sports and enhancing safety might address the problem. In my opinion, the main cause of the spreading of the dangerous sports is emotions and feelings that are invoiced by doing them. If public support and the likelihood of death are being decreased, the number of those who take part in those activities and casualties will decline.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
activities such as base jumping, skydiving and
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Formula one
racing that are popular despite being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for the well-being of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in them. Below
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons of the popularity and possible solutions to the problematic situation will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, practicing those activities has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits.
Firstly
,
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "going diving".
doing diving
or any other extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
appears to be the simplest way to attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public’s
attention. In fact, a psychological research conducted in the European Union demonstrates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may become addictive to crowd’s attitude and
being prized
could
be compared
to having a drug
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
.
Secondly
, putting life and health in real
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
summons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
strong emotions on its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. To illustrate, when I did my
first
jump from an aircraft, I was alert, fascinated and happy
simultaneously
. This specific feeling motivated and encouraged me to continue doing this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years.
In other words
, the addiction to strong,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
emotions seems to be a likely root of the issue.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
actions that may alter the conduct of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Primarily
, changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public’s
attitude to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
participate in extreme
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
may be effective. If skydivers
are treated
like insane individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
should seek medical attention, they will lose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
support and
consequently
the pleasure that
is brought
by it. Losing it may work as an efficient deterrent.
Furthermore
, increasing safety standards could decrease the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of injuries
dramatically
. For an example, prohibiting skydiving in inclement weather and forcing sportsmen to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a protective gear could annihilate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
threats.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, discouraging athletes from practicing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and enhancing safety might address the problem.

In my opinion, the main cause of the spreading of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is emotions and feelings that
are invoiced
by doing them. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
support and the likelihood of death are
being decreased
, the number of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in those activities and casualties will decline.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay 27/10/2017 Some sports are extremely dangerous but many people still like them very much. Why do people take part in dangerous sports? Give some suggestions on how to deal with these dangers. Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples f v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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