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Societies benefit from the closer relationship we have with foreigners through international tourism and business. v.5

Societies benefit from the closer relationship we have with foreigners through international tourism and business. v. 5
International tourism and business play a very crucial role throughout the world. It is clearly seen that countries are beneficial to each other through the sound relationships. I believe that tourists and business industries are greatly involved in imparting the knowledge of different cultures and to thrive the economy of the country. To begin, tourism has a great impact on understanding the different cultures. When the tourist goes in different nations, they closely observe their way of living such as their clothing, food, language. Thus it results in contributing the one’s knowledge and making the bond with different kinds of people. Moreover, tourist industry helps in strengthening the economy of the different countries. Different tourist destinations earn a lot of money from foreign people. For example charging through tickets, different restaurants make a valuable profit through the tourism. Secondly, the international business also contributes to developing the economy of a country. Different types of products are sold in the international market. For instance, China does the business of selling the cars, electronic devices of different models and mobile phones to the other countries. So this is regarded as beneficial in raising the financial status of the developing country. In addition to this, the international business ceases the tensions between the different countries. Different nations overcome their differences through the business deals. To conclude, both the industries play a remarkable role to tight the international relationships and strengthen the economy. Tourism leads to exposure to the different world and business help to reduce the international tensions. I hope this relationship bring new changes and benefit in the future.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
International
tourism and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
play a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial role throughout the world. It is
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are beneficial to each other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
the sound relationships. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
industries are
greatly
involved in imparting the knowledge of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
cultures and to thrive the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
of the country.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, tourism has a great impact on understanding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
cultures. When the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
goes in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
nations, they
closely
observe their way of living such as their clothing, food, language.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
it results in contributing the one’s knowledge and making the bond with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
kinds of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
industry
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in strengthening the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourist
destinations earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money from foreign
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
For example
charging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
tickets,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
restaurants
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a valuable profit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
the tourism.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
also
contributes to developing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Different
types of products
are sold
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
market.
For instance
, China does the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
of selling the cars, electronic devices of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
models and mobile phones to the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
this
is regarded
as beneficial in raising the financial status of the developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
In addition
to this, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
ceases the tensions between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Different
nations overcome their differences
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
deals.

To conclude
, both the industries play a remarkable role to tight the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
relationships and strengthen the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
. Tourism leads to exposure to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
world and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
tensions. I hope this relationship bring new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
and benefit in the future.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
43Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Societies benefit from the closer relationship we have with foreigners through international tourism and business. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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